WTF of The Week: Heidi Montag

Big boob, no brains and the inability to move her mouth. The perfect woman.

          CoupleDumb tends to be politically consistent. We advocate personal responsibility, communication and healthy love. In politics, we basically do the same. We support choice only because we hold everyone responsible for their lives. It is not our call. Any other decision is based on a victim mentality that we do not support. Now that we spouted all this hippy bullshit, what does that have to do with Heidi Montag? 

          Apparently, Heidi decided that she needed an overhaul. She had a nose job revision, mini brow lift, ears pinned, lipo on her neck, chin reduction, Botox all around her face and fat injected in her cheeks and nasolabia folds. She had her breast implants increased to DDDs, a butt augmentation and lipo on her stomach and thighs. Apparently, her palms and elbows were untouched. So the question is, so what? Everyone is up in arms over the young ingénue’s remodeling and feel that she crossed a line. So explain to us, if you respect the right a woman has to choose, why can’t this poor girl refurbish her own body? Heidi tells of how ugly she was and how she was mocked and told she had a Jay Leno chin. She was hideous and worthy of at least 3 paper bags over her head. 

          If you believe in the right to choose then you must support Heidi’s right to have funbags that serve as flotation devices. If you believe a woman is the master of her own body then you must keep your mouth shut when Heidi chooses to get the post lobotomy look special. By the way, does the mini brow lift mean she only lifts one eyebrow. Let’s face it, she looks like someone just gave her a math problem with trains and apples.  

          So Heidi, CoupleDumb, to maintain its integrity, supports your decision to Frankenstuff yourself. However, we will insist that you not speak about inner beauty or anything deeper than the smooth ridges on your brain. You see, when you try to justify your surgery, then you sound like a bigger idiot and that vacant look is not helping. Perhaps the surgeries also included a sphincter reroute to your mouth. So shut the fuck up and get your boobies to the size where you can no longer hear people talking about you. Because if you thought people talked shit before, it will only get worse. Perhaps you can have the surgeon install a disguise. Maybe a mustache and a club foot.

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