WTF of the Week: Big Fat Baby
We are parents. We have three kids. Pregnancy and delivery of the kids was different for each. There were certain similarities such as the craving for Mexican food, the spontaneous narcolepsy at 4 in the afternoon and the need to nest. What never happened was that any of our kids grew to such ginormous proportion that they needed to be removed with a crane.
A woman in Indonesia gave birth to a 19.2 lb baby via c-section. Now, we can begin to say WTF right here. The fact that the behemoth baby was born by cesarean section should be obvious unless they are use to having babies rip their way out of a woman’s hoohoo. This goes beyond the image of passing a watermelon because those fruits don’t come in that size. It is more like passing a small elephant or microwave through your kitty kat. We wonder how long they made her wait for the c-section. Did they know the woman had a mini cooper hiding in her womb? Another question we have is how the hell did this ginormous infant not crush his mother’s innards. Seriously?! If you have been pregnant, you know it reaches a point where you don’t lay in certain positions because it is very uncomfortable. We can only imagine that she was still ambulatory with the use of hydraulics, wheels and those skid pads you place under armoires and pianos.
And finally, the mother, WTF was she eating? Seriously, our readers need to know this and add it to the list of things not to eat during pregnancy. We know tuna has mercury and brie has listeria but was she eating armadillo or whatever the fuck they eat in Indonesia? Is there another food that must not be touched during those pregnancy months? Ox Lumpia or Avocado Shakes with chocolate sauce (look it up on Wikipedia- they have the picture of the shake)? We think we should investigate this thoroughly. We are pretty sure no woman out there wants to enter the record books as having the biggest uterus or the stretchiest vagina in the world. Let’s face it, that’s a title that comes with an image we can all do without.
As for Gigantor Baby, Pilates and low carb diet – STAT! Weight issues are a bitch little man and it’s never too early to work out. Don’t give us that whiny baby crying. ‘I can’t walk’. ‘I can’t even sit up’. No wonder, you fat little fuck, get your lard ass moving. (No actual babies were harmed or spoken to in this manner. It was purely done for the amusement of the writers.)