WTF of the Week: Baby Mama Drama
Ya know, we have a rule at CoupleDumb: Don’t make fun of the mentally ill. It’s more of a suggestion than rule really. But when all else is considered our caveat wins out: Funny trumps Boundaries!
This week’s WTF is brought to you by Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise and Billie Jean who both claim to be mothers of Michael Jackson’s children. Let’s start with the one who just appears to be a little crazy but a lot of stupid.
Billie Jean is claiming that she is Blanket’s biological mother and the song was written for her. We think the facts are irrefutable. First of all, the bitch looks like a homeless crack whore and we know that they like their blankets. Secondly, the name is an exact match to that song of Michael Jackson where he denies paternity to a son. Her case begins to show some cracks when you figure that ‘Billie Jean’ the song came out in 1983 and Blanket was born in 1992. Is there something supernatural afoot or is Billie Jean some whacked out bitch looking for some money?
Then we have Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise who is also claiming maternity but she says that she is the mother of all three Jackson children. Is she the one that we have to ask about why he named his kid Prince Michael not once but twice? And what the fuck is up with naming a kid blanket or should we ask the crack whore about that? Anyway, not that we are saying that this woman is crazy or bug-fuck or batty or nuts or whacko or bonkers or coocoo or squirrely or insane or loopy or that her cheese has slid off her cracker or even that she has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express but what we are saying is that, perhaps, someone may want to have a sharp shooter with a tranquilizer gun if she shows up to court again. That’s all. Anyway, Mrs. Cruise (yes, The Tom Cruise married her when she was in 9th grade) claims she is the biological mother of all three kids. We know, Billie Jean was shocked! She also claims that Michael Jackson is the biological father of Tom Cruise’s kid. She attests that she and Michael had Conner Cruise and gave him to Tom and Nicole because he did not want to have a black baby. And then things get really weird when she claims that each child was fathered by someone other than Michael Jackson. WTF? Those adorable white children must be Michael’s!
So the world is left in limbo. But we can’t keep silent any longer. The truth is Lee is the mother of the children. Michael arranged for an alien abduction during his tour of duty as Captain EO and the fathers of the children are life forms resembling soup. What? You don’t believe us?