Wife vs Husband. Who Wins?
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This week we are discussing Husbands vs. Wives. Not like a death match kind of discussion but since we brought it up, who would win? Don’t worry. You can answer that in your head if you fear reprisal. But while on the topic, this is an important topic to investigate specifically when it comes to kids. Or in this sense, your audience!
Lee says: Wives/Moms are not synonymous with pushovers. Even the most milquetoast Mommy/Wife does not want to lose. It may look differently. The Daddy/Husband may think they win but ultimately they will concede victory to Mommy/Wife. You see us girls have secret weapons that we hone all throughout our childhood and it’s called passive aggressiveness. Being passive aggressive is an art form that women perfect by watching their Mom’s and other female role models.
Passive aggressiveness is akin to throwing a rock and hiding your hand. It is a verbal attack cloaked in guilt, victim-ness and feigned innocence. It sounds like they are saying something innocuous and maybe a little self deprecating but then you are the one who feels bad and vaguely angry. The worst part is that you can’t argue with them! They said nothing!
This is the education we give our kids. When we disagree, we fight. Argument is normal however, fighting is not. Most married people do not fight fair. We use things like passive aggressiveness, pulling stuff out of the past and pretty much use shivs to win. Women will not roll over. It just won’t happen. Even if she does in the moment, the husband will pay for it. You won’t spike the ball on this fight. There will be no victory dance. Sorry.
So let’s say, ladies, that you win. Then what? What did it do to your marriage and what did your kids learn?
Paul says: If you are answering these questions then you have already lost. It means that you are already at odds with your spouse. If there are two parallel paths, it does not matter which you take. They both go in the same direction. The problem comes when you stand, argue and disagree because nobody is walking down the path. You get it? You are standing still and miserable. I have said it before but I think it is worth repeating: I do not work for the bomb squad. I can be wrong and nothing blows up.
And here we go back to the teamwork thing. Here we go back to living your marriage like a corporation. So I won’t go there. Instead I am going to say ‘WTF?’ Don’t you get that you are fighting because you are insecure? Don’t you know that the passive aggressive behavior is because you do not feel safe enough around the person that you love to just say what you are thinking? Don’t you know that life is too short for this kind of dumb shit and that you want your kids to learn to live happy and free? Don’t you know that one of you is going to die and the argument will end there?
Oh wait, that’s depressing as hell. Erase, erase. I do not say sad and depressing things. Sure, I live them in the insanity of my mind all of the time but saying them is taboo.
What the hell, I said it. Live together. Live a life of love. I want to die with a smile on my face, not a frown. I want to die while having sex but not looking like I am having an orgasm. It’s an ugly face.