Who’s your hero, baby?

I feel safe. Really, I do. Now slowly step back. No sudden movements.

     It is Thursday of a really, really tough week here at the CoupleDumb. We had it all this week, from an extra workload to a sick kid. Since we are talking about Heroes this week, maybe one will come this way. We could use a visit from ‘Watch the kids while you nap’ man and his side kick, Ms. Maid.

          Paul says: What are the characteristics of a hero? We already know what we do not want in a hero. They need to assist but not rescue. They need to be accessible, only sitting on the pedestal long enough to get a good birds-eye view before joining the rest of the world.   So what makes a hero?

          Bravery seems to me to be on the top of the list. Obviously, if a hero is not willing to leap into action then he/she is not much of a hero. I can’t imagine the Man of Steel staying in his Fortress of Solitude because people are icky and he might catch something. I can see Spiderman doing this but I do not want to go off on a geek driven tangent so let’s just say that a hero needs to be brave.

          There is a difference between being brave and being fearless. A hero must be brave. A sociopath needs to be fearless. General Omar Bradley said that bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death. And speaking of performing properly, this brings us to the other thing that a hero needs to have : a plan. It helps if it is a good plan. A conversation that you never hear from a hero:

          ‘What are we going to do, Dark Knight?’

          ‘Hell if I know. Call me when you have an idea.’ (Then he strolls off to get coffee.)

          Even if the plan sounds like ‘we wing it’, a hero always has some idea of where to go and what to do next.

          Lastly but most obviously, the hero is the good guy (or gal to be PC-ish). No matter how dark, surly, twisted or angry, the hero always does the right thing in the end.

          So why all of the pontificating about heroes on a day that we are supposed to be talking about relationships? Because we are all heroes. We all have the capacity to put our fears aside, leap into the fray, and do the right thing. Over the past year, Lee and I have written about love, marriage, happiness and the corporate structure of a good relationship but somewhere in this search for union there is a hero. This is the person that says ‘I love you’ despite the fear, that says that everything will be all right even if unsure, that takes the high road and makes everyone better for it.

          For me, that person is Lee. This is not the part where I say nice things about her and know that I will get laid tonight. Instead, this is a matter of practicality. When I look at her, I know that she is there for me, that the day to day fears of living a life together will be pushed away for a greater good. This is the way that love has to be. First you become your own hero then you fall in love with one.

          Lee says: Aw. Now I need to check his cell phone and emails. I’m kidding.

          Seriously though, I’m with Paul on this. Not just the ‘Lee’s a hero thing’ but the part where in a relationship there is some signs of idolization of the partner. You see them in their highest possibility, in all their glory way before they ever see that in themselves. You know the image of Superman glowing on top of the world with his cape flapping behind him? That’s how we see our partners and that’s how, in a good relationship, they see us. We are each others biggest fans which is good since I already have his autograph and usually can do it better than him.

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