When To Say No
Yesterday we spoke of challenging one another to grow and become better people. Today, in our series of what a healthy relationship should be, we are talking about ‘Yes men!’ This is really the second part of yesterday’s post. When we do not challenge our spouse/partner for fear of reprisal and loss of love, we fall into a very sick pattern. We begin to agree with them. Even when we know they are wrong, we agree with them. Even when we try to point out a possible flaw in their thinking or plans, we shrink from that challenge and agree with them. Being married to someone who agrees with you is a universe away from being married to someone who supports you.
In addiction counseling, we talk about family and friends of the addict being an enabler. To enable someone is not necessarily to go out to a seedy part of town and buy drugs for them. It simply can be continuing to remain silent about their behavior. Silent acquiescence is the same as agreeing with the addict and supplying them with drugs. You are a bystander to their slow motion suicide all because you are afraid to stand up and say, ‘NO!’
This is the same in a marriage. In a marriage our spouses will say and do stupid things. Make stupid decisions and our silent acquiescence is the same as support. Letting your spouse hurt people and shut themselves off from reality is the same as scoring drugs for them from some toothless meth head on a corner.
So, what is the take away here? Simply put: No is love. A true love will tell you NO.