We Have Sex On The Mind
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According to Einstein, it is theoretically possible to go back in time. This is one of the possibilities that fall out of the mathematics of relativity theory. One of the problems comes from the scenario of a person travelling back in time and killing his mother before he was born. If this happens, then he never existed to go back in time and kill his mom. It is a paradox and does not seem to make any sense. We are telling you all of this so that you understand that time travel makes more sense than sex but we are going to try and figure it out anyhow.
Paul says: Yes, I wrote that introductory paragraph. Can’t you tell by the way I compared sex to relativistic physics? Unfortunately, I understand more about physics then sex. (You supply the geek joke.) Whether you are doing the nasty, shagging, knocking boots, bashing the beaver, no pants dancing, burying the sword, exchanging bodily fluids, doing the horizontal hoolah, shucking the oyster, or fornicating, we can all agree that sex is fun, confusing, oft times ridiculous, and the topic of most people’s thoughts.
Yet sex is also one of the most schizophrenic of our activities. Everyone should have sex, just not with other people and not alone. Men should have sex with many different people but women should not have sex ever and being gay is bad and so is masturbation. Every man wants a virgin that possesses doctoral knowledge of sexual techniques but has never spoken or thought about sex in her life.
This level of crazy is what created Sybil. If you ever saw the movie or read the book, you see how her mother would do something nice then something really bad then something nice then something really bad. Here is a cookie then push her down the stairs. God makes sex feel good then you are going to hell.
And the analogy doesn’t stop there. Sybil splintered into multiple personalities because of this kind of dysfunction. So we don our multiple sexual personalities because we are being raised in a culture of insane mixed messages. Men look for the Madonna to marry but the whore in the bedroom. When this becomes pathological, Freud called it the Madonna-Whore complex, where the male married Mommy (Madonna) but can never see her as a sexual object (whore). He cannot link intimacy with sex and, therefore, looks different places for the latter.
So why do we do it? Why do we stand resolutely on the tracks of lust, knowing damn well that the train of anguish is barreling towards us? There are a slew of reasons ranging from ‘God said to make babies’ on the Biblical side to ‘because it feels good’ on the biological side. I say that we seek out sex because of our need for intimacy. Though sex is not intimacy, it is intimate. If love has components, with lust being one and seeing a future in your partner being another, then the act of sex is the easier of the two to make happen. Every woman knows that talking about marrying and having a dozen children is taboo conversation for a first date but looking across the table and saying, ‘I’m gonna rock your world’ will, at the least, earn you a life time of memories.
According to an ABC poll, the median number of sex partners in a lifetime for women is three and 8 for men. No matter whether we have had less than the median or more than the median, we remember every one of them as a possible spark of love, even if only for a moment. Or, maybe, we were just horny.
Lee says: From ‘Enemies. A Love Story’ (1989): ‘ Men love virgins. If every man had his way every woman would lie down a prostitute and get up a virgin.’