We Believe in Santa Claus

Rudolph with your nose so bright, keep it out of my butt tonight.

          It is Monday of the last full week of posts of the year for us. We asked our bosses and they were gracious enough to let us only post a couple of times a week until next year. This gives us more time to wrap gifts and cater to their every whim. This is also the time of year where we bust out the good cooking. Paul will reconnect with his Hungarian roots and whip up some retes and Lee will come up with some great food surprise for the entire family for Christmas Day. We have faith that all our effort is taken into account.

          Lee says: We believe in Santa Claus. We pity adults who don’t believe in Santa and the spirit of Christmas. There are only three reasons why an adult would stop believing in Christmas and the Christmas Spirit. One would be that their family of origin traumatized them in such a way that the sheer mention of merrying or jingling would give the person the cold sweats and the only comfortable place for them to be is in a tight little ball in a corner whispering ‘fa-la-la-la-la’. The other reason is far more sinister and evil. The person is merely a demonic presence and any kind of joy is met with hissing and violent dry heaves. Or the final reason which is the most probable; the person is an asshole.

          The asshole, or Grinch to use a term we can all understand, really believes that they are too cool for Christmas. These people feel that they have outgrown the celebration of innocence and the anticipation of hope for a better world. These people have succumbed to the gross cynicism of believing the ‘over-commercialism’ of the season and the arrogance of an adolescence who knows who is really placing the gifts under the tree. These are the individuals who scoff at seeing Christmas displays in stores or on roads before December and become angry with anyone who mentions the impending celebration of the blessed holiday.

          If we lived in Whoville, this person would live on the outskirts of town and would mock the plebian hordes who rush to the stores to find the perfect gifts for their loved ones. These are the people that truly believe Santa is a myth that we tell children to keep them on their best behavior with the carrot of gifts dangling before their eyes. These people are the Burger Meisters who would ban Christmas and any joy and return our world to the grayness of Sombertown. What I want to know is: Who pissed in your Cheerios? Who shat in your Yule Log? Why do you need to be such a prick around Christmas?     

          Having faith and believing in Christmas, Santa Claus and the Miracle of this season is just a simple manifestation of hope in humanity and in a benevolent Higher Power. I believe in Santa Claus not just for my children but for my own peace of mind. I believe in Santa Claus like I believe in the power of love and the beauty of selflessness. I believe in Santa and his wonderful mission of bringing a little joy into people’s lives. I support those who walk the path of Santa in their own lives and eschew the cynicism that giving is a show. I believe in Santa and each of his reindeer. I will be setting out his milk and cookies with my kids on Christmas Eve and there will be a part of me who is hopeful that he will enjoy them. Yes, I know Paul usually eats them but I have hope and it makes me warm inside. I believe in Santa and all you Grinchey people better watch out.

          Paul says: As a function of believing in Santa, it appears that we rely on the divine works of animated Christmas movies and claymation. So if you are feeling Grinch like and want to change, simply put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking across the floor.

          Note: If you are not catching all of these references then we recommend that you go out and buy Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Year without a Santa Claus, and any other Christmas movie with large faced homosexuals made out of clay.

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