Time To Connect

THE Relationship Blog

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Human beings do not grow in solitude. We are social creatures who evolve in relationships. If you think about any time you feel in your lifetime that you have grown, matured or developed, it was because of a relationship. It is amazing to us that people don’t see this. A lot of people see relationships as a vehicle to having sex or a solution to loneliness. Relationships are so much more than that.

However, if you go to Hollywood, relationships are like Kleenex. In the tinsel city, people are literally 6 degrees of separation from everyone else because of less than healthy boundaries. Before you start to point fingers, we will point out that most of these people have deep loneliness issues that are only assuaged by serial lovers.  This is a serious condition that can only be fixed by quickie romances followed by sex scandals and a parade of anonymous dick/vagina. Yeah, this is a serious issue.

Where we get confused with relationship is where healthy intersects with dysfunctional. You know where you say, ‘wow, I love you’ and ‘I can’t live without you and you won’t live without me….bang bang bang!’ We have traded definitions. What is unhealthy is considered in common nomenclature as normal. Like when someone stalks you. In some places in this fine country, stalking is akin to Romeo wooing Juliet except for the iambic pentameter and tights. Stalking, compulsive texting, hitting, crying and arguing ad nauseam is considered love in some parts. Hell, watch any episode of Disney live action stuff and you will see what I mean.

Not only that, you hear the stories of love from the media. We don’t think that we are being generalists when we say that the media only knows to portray an unhealthy relationship as standard and healthy communication between couples as comedy. Sure, we will be the first to admit that some of the Imago dialogues make us laugh (He: When you fall asleep without saying goodnight I feel unloved.  She: I hear you say that when you fall asleep without me saying goodnight you feel unloved.) because it’s a little stilted but that couple is communicating! Talking is only about ‘did you pick up the dry cleaning’. It is the ugly stuff we tuck under our hats or ram under our beds so that no one knows how we feel that is real communication. It isn’t vomiting 20 years of pent up frustration either.

A relationship is a connection. In this connection, we can choose to maintain a boundary that keeps the connection on an acquaintance basis or loosen up those walls until we are sharing almost the same space. The connection is the key. To maintain it, we treat this connection with respect. We honor and cherish this connection. Perhaps you would be surprised to find out the number one complaint of any kind of relationship is ‘being taken for granted’. Do you know why we do that? It is very simple. We like to believe we are immortal. The moment we understand the finiteness of life we tend to care a little more about our connections. For example, the moment a person dies, the family, for a brief time, is closer.

Why? Why do we need to be reminded of life’s transitory nature to appreciate what we have? Well, you don’t really. You can love them now. You don’t have to wait for a tragedy or issue or fight or drama to give your relationships the respect they deserve. So go ahead, text your loved ones right now and say ‘I love you. I am thinking of you.’ It will totally freak them out.

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