The Honesty Question

It’s question week here at CoupleDumb and we are answering them all….relationships, parenting, sex and even the silly ones like why is it illegal to serve beer and pretzels in North Dakota. Send your questions!

Today’s question is sent to us by someone who signs their question- Just asking for a friend.

Is it possible to be 100 percent honest all the time and not hurt the other person’s feelings?


Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

The short answer is no and yes. The long answer comes with questions. Honesty is very important and a relationship is built on trust. Without honesty, you create insecurities and doubt which will lead to jealousy and anger. However, honesty is not exactly what most people want either. We want the truth but we don’t want to be offended. We want the facts but please omit anything that I might find shocking. We want to know everything about our lovers but please don’t tell me that your ex did it better.

The reality is that we can’t handle the truth. If we want to be 100% honest with each other we first need to disconnect ourselves from the facts. Your lover’s past has nothing to do with you. Your lover’s opinion of you is their judgment and thus has nothing really to do with you. When we attach ourselves to someone, we tend to think they belong to us- past, present and future. The truth is that nothing they did before they met us matters (unless they owe the feds money and that might bite you in the ass) and nothing they think of us matters either. Just don’t take it personally.

When you don’t take anything personally then they can be 100% honest because nothing they say is about you.

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