The Great Space Turnip

All hail the Great Space Turnip

          We have been writing about change all week and we think that we have established that it is good and healthy. This is as useful as nipples on a man. Might be nice to play with but really doesn’t nurture anything. If change is all kinds of wonderful, why don’t we do it without kicking, screaming and cursing like a sailor with Tourette’s?

          Paul says: Just because I like change doesn’t mean that I am good at it. In many ways, I have the self-discipline of a crack whore. Sure, when it comes to changing from one pleasant thing to another, I am the king of opportunity. But making that change from unhealthy to healthy is a completely different matter.

          Scientists have been studying the motivation for change for a long time. In the 1950’s, Albert Bandura was all over social behaviors, cognition and learning theory. All of this is the foundation to the psychology of change. In the ‘80’s we really started to look at the motivation for change and we studied it in a panic. With the newfound addition of AIDS to our society, we suddenly needed to stop people from having sex with anything that gave them a come-hither look. Or at least to wrap their willy if they were going to do the deed.

          With all of the theories that came out, I’m going to boil it down to three things:

You need to want to change.

You need to know how to change.

You need to be supported in changing.

          Whether you want to change or change has been thrust upon you, these three things are necessary to keep us happy during the transition. Wanting to change is pretty obvious. Even if the change comes from something like being fired, somewhere in the grief process you will get to the ‘fuckem, their loss’ part and embrace the change.

          Knowing how to change seems like a big ‘duh’ but, at least for me, is really a problem. I have wanted to gain weight, because I was very thin as a youth, or lose weight, because all the weight that I’ve wanted to gain has found me and settled on the bellybutton meridian. The problem is that, when I get to the bottom of it, I really do not know how to change my weight. I know how to get opinions on how to change my weight.  Everything from don’t eat anything to eat fruit before protein to eat whatever you want as long as it is on a napkin because a napkin will make it a snack. Snacks have less calories. Nothing is more disheartening then having a solid diet going then having some ass shake his head and tell you how that technique doesn’t work.

          Which brings me to the last one. The number one indicator of successful change is not your self-discipline but the discipline of your friends. You can’t stop drinking in a bar. It’s going to be real tough to lose weight if your friends are competition eaters. Building up your savings account does not happen on trips to the mall. Let’s face it, one of the reasons that cults work so well is that they are full of supportive loving people who are committed to your success. As long as your success agrees with the teachings of the great space turnip.

          Lee says: All hail the great space turnip!

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