The Good Wife And Sex

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          Welcome to Lee’s week! This week is all Lee all the time. Wait….please stay. I promise this will be good. I know.  You like Paul better than me but I’m not all bad. He likes me, right? So I have to have some good qualities. O.K., I may have my issues but I know I do some things well. Primarily, I think I am a good wife. Not just good, great! I may have issues with my mothering or being a decent human being but being a wife…I am really good at that. Sure, it doesn’t hurt to have a fantastic husband but which came first the wife or the husband?

          I will share my secrets to wifery with you, loyal readers. Each day this week I will impart a little of my wisdom. Today I am going to start with a bang. Yes, today is all about sex! O.K. ladies, don’t get all freaked out. I am not going to give specific technique information (unless you really want that and if so, email me!).  I am going to discuss the psychological ramifications of being a good partner especially in the bedroom.

          1. Get rid of your hang-ups. Listen up, we all know how we were raised and the messages we received as little girls and young women. Nice girls don’t do certain things. Honestly, I am flabbergasted when I hear of a woman not willing to do certain sex acts with their husbands. I tend to have a very visceral reaction to it. And please don’t tell me that your Mom or Church messed you up. My Mom told me she was a virgin for most of my childhood and up into my adolescence and I was raised Catholic! Can you get more messed up? Probably but that information is best left for your therapist.

          I feel that all sex is great. I am not condoning or promoting multiple partners or any kind of sex that could lead to severe physical or psychological harm. I am talking about two consenting adults enjoying themselves. For example, oral sex. Yes, I mean blow jobs. I know I said I wouldn’t get specific but this is one of those acts where there are definitely some major feelings about it. Either women like doing it or they don’t. There is very little middle ground on it. I say, turn off your brain and have fun with it! Stop seeing it as the actual act and reframe it to be giving pleasure to your partner. (A technical pointer for those of you interested would be to avoid gagging. God gave you two hands for a reason.)

        2. Allow yourself to be and feel sexy. Flirting and talking like a sexual deviant does a lot for performance. Sex is probably one of the only places where you can be all talk! Start him up and watch what happens! Of course, you have to follow through too. Don’t be a tease and don’t promise stuff you won’t deliver. Make him feel wanted and desired. This is one of the most important things we can do as wives.

        For us, I just have to start the dirty talk. Once I start, then it creates this little cocoon for us. It’s intimate. It’s rejuvenating. It’s invigorating and we still have our clothes on! This kind of activity reminds both of you that aside from being husband and wife and Mom and Dad, you are women and men with physical desires and base needs. That is an awesome place to be!

        I hope these ideas help you a little. If you have any questions or need some professional advice, I am available via email or Skype. This is no joke. I find that this idea of facilitating the creation of happy relationships is a commitment I take very seriously. So go ahead, ask the question.

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