The (Good?) Husband

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          Last week we wrote about being the good wife so it follows that this week we write about being the good husband. Everyone knows that behind every good wife there is a horrible husband prompting her towards homicide. Men are lazy, stupid, philandering monkeys in boxer shorts. Isn’t that the message? This week Paul tackles the issues of being a standup husband and a participatory dad. Who could ask for more?

          Let’s face it, the bar for men in relationships is set pretty low. Apparently, if you have a job more than 30% of the time and don’t smack around your wife, you can be nominated for husband of the year. When we look at the husband and wife dynamic, or should I say the wife and husband dynamic since we all know that husbands are simply an evil necessity of marriage, we see an absentee husband, at best, and a cheating husband, at worst.

          So here is my first secret to being a good husband: Remind her and everyone else that you are a good husband. You just read the paragraphs above. Men, we have the worst PR people in the universe. If Charlie Sheen and Dina Lohan started a Public Relations firm, they would represent husbands. Take as much backwards thinking, psycho rambling that you can put onto a page and that would be our press release. We need a new campaign.

          Say the words. Say ‘I love you’. Say ‘I missed you’. Say ‘I like being married’. Say ‘We have good sex’. (Say that one a lot, because the statistics show that we do have good sex. We have better and more frequent sex then our unmarried counterparts. Yet, the hype is that it never happens. This should be our new motto : Marriage – We fuck a lot.)

          Let me let you in on a little secret. Men want a wife and family too. If women have the white dress, Prince Charming, Donna Reed fantasies of love and marriage, men have more of a King of Siam thing going. We want a hot wife and a dozen kids. We want to bound royally into the room, take our beautiful wife away to the yacht leaving the young ones in the care of the nanny, make love until the sun rises over the ocean, and be home (refreshed) to hug our children, give them a sage word of advice,  and send them off to school. 

          It is time for us to change the image. I know too many good husbands out there to let this tripe continue to spread. I know way too many good men that want to become good, and I dare say excellent, husbands but have been hurt too many times by women that just can’t believe that not all men are abominations on the soul of humanity.

          When your wife is sitting with her bitter and jaded friends and they are recounting the evils of husbandry, give her some ammunition to disagree. When they say that their husband doesn’t love them, you want your wife to be able to say that her hubby says I Love You all of the time. When they talk about cheating, make sure that she can say that you would never cheat because you have talked about this over and over. Sure, she will probably lose all of her friends in a fit of jealousy but good riddance. If they are always talking smack then she didn’t want to be around them anyhow.

          My secret is to say the words. Say the words ‘I am happy being with you’. Somewhere along the line, you thought this. Make sure that she knows that you still do.

One comment

  • Ray

    Great post! I especially love your new marriage slogan. Seriously, we get deluged by all of these pictures of “perfect” marriages and relationships in the media and it tends to make us contemptuous of our own real life situations. I’m certainly no expert on marriage, but your suggestions of the things that need to be said often to your spouse are spot on. Thanks for posting and taking part in my blog carnival!

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