The Game Of Love
Due to the Memorial Day Holiday, we are getting a late start on the week. This doesn’t mean we are jipping you of any good stuff. We promise to jam all the CoupleDumb goodness into the next three days. Who knows, we may even throw in a WTF for old time’s sake. But for the days remaining, we think we will talk about dating and relating the way everybody is doing it. You know what we’re talking about. Call. Don’t call. Sex. No sex. We are talking about the Game. So, the board is set and the pieces are placed. Your move.
Lee says: I’m no good at it. I can’t stand it. I won’t play it so don’t even ask me to. I will even share that it makes me sick when I see it being played. The game is so prevalent that kids learn it from such an early age. From the first time a boy punches you or calls you stupid and you are told ‘Oh, he likes you!’ you are hooked on stupid.
To the boys, the education comes in the form of his first rejection. A pure, unadulterated little boy loves fearlessly. He knows what he wants and goes after it. He says things like ‘she’s mine’ and ‘she’s marrying me’ when he is hardly old enough to wipe himself. As the mother of two boys, I have seen this already. Not only are they forthright and bold, they are faithful. Once they have declared a spiritual marriage, the boys hardly look at another girl that way.
Once rejected by the girl, or more likely, given conflicting information by the parent (such as ‘you’re too little to get married’ or even better ‘play the field’ because ‘there are so many fish in the sea’), the boys are torn between their feelings for the girl and the fear of feeling rejected or disappointing a parent. Their innocence gone, they begin the game. When you fuel this experience with the male indoctrination then you can see where the ‘fear of commitment’ comes from. What’s the indoctrination you ask innocently? Well, it’s the little education boys get which changes girls from equals to objects which are little more than play things.[More on this on Friday]
Girls, after their playground introduction to love, are always waiting for a boy to haul off and smack them either emotionally or physically. This primitive mating habit, a throwback to the caveman era of clubbing the female, signals the beginning of the mating ritual we call ‘The Love Cha Cha Cha’. You know the moves. You move forward, they move back. Then you step in place and they move forward and you move back. God forbid you meet in the middle and stay there. We wouldn’t want our playmate to think we didn’t know how to play this game, would we?
So many people talk about the dislike of the game and yet they are the same ones to play it. The best time to watch the game is when the boy or girl is at a low point and all their friends chime in with advice. The friends say such wise things as ‘Don’t call her/him!’ ‘Make her/him sweat!’ ‘Fuck her/his friend!’ ‘Cyber stalk them. Guys/girls love that!’ All of these gems are grist for the mill and keep the game going long after any feelings are still there.
I know. How about we stop playing? How about we just lay it all out when we meet? ‘Hey, I like you. I want to get to know you better.’ Instead of ‘Call me’ after you hand them the wrong number. Be honest! Put yourself out there. Sure, you may get rejected but that is less exhausting than playing the come here/go away game ad infinitum. I told you I was no good at this. I’ll just take my blog and go home.
Paul says: As a card-carrying geek, I absolutely blow at the game. I play it about as well as I play football and I end up with the same amount of bruising. This is why Lee and I are perfect for each other. No games. Just bad-ass, balls to the wall honesty.
We do like Trivial Pursuit but I always lose.