Sit or get off the…couch!

By Kim Malchuk

I’m holding back saying what I really want to say because this is my first guest post. I want to make a good impression and do not want to ruffle any feathers if you know what I mean. But, seriously, I need to get something off my chest and I would love to get your feedback from this posting, so here we go. What the fudge (trying to keep it clean) is going on with relationships nowadays?

This frustration all started because I wanted to write a positive and uplifting article about relationships. In order to give the piece some backbone and credibility, I went where everyone goes to obtain information about everything and anything: Google Search. As I was navigating from one relationship site to another, reading articles and immersing myself into the depressing stats on divorce rates, that’s when it happened. I’m so tired of hearing and reading EXCUSES as to why couples cannot stay together. (Just so you know it was really hard to keep that last sentence PG rated!)

When I read a number of ‘Top 10 or 15 Reasons’ why people are divorcing I just shook my head. Most of those reasons could be avoided by doing just one thing: TALKING TO EACH OTHER! We are the experts in our lives. When we feel that something is not quite right in our relationship we should listen to what our gut is telling us and not dismiss it.  When we get that feeling, this would probably be a great time to actually talk it over with our partner. Not our mothers or friends, but with our actual partner because I would venture to guess that if you think your relationship is going through a rough patch you’re probably not alone. When did we become afraid to sit down and really have heart-to-heart conversations with our partners? This isn’t rocket science material. When we know better we can’t help it…we will do better! Communication was, is and will continue to be the glue that keeps everything together.

I have to share with you one particular thing I came across that literally made me laugh out loud. Some sites reported that the lack of fun and spontaneity were reasons why couples are splitting up today. Are you kidding me? I wonder if these are the same couples who sit in front of the TV every night to watch re-runs of Hoarders: Buried Alive. Is it the children and/or busy schedules that have caused the magic to disappear? How many hours are being spent at the ‘office’ instead of being at home? Money is really tight so we can’t do anything that’s fun?

I’m sorry but I simply don’t accept that lack of time and funds are reasons why so many relationships are falling apart today. Most of us could easily find an hour or two in our week to spend quality time with our partner. We don’t need to take out a second mortgage in order to finance bringing some fun back into our relationships. As for the vanishing of the ‘magic’ in relationships, let’s be realistic about that over-used reason. We are not children and we know that magic does not last forever. When my brother broke the news and told me that Santa wasn’t real it didn’t make me stop loving Christmas. Oh sure, that news flash definitely took away some of the excitement but as for the real magic, it remained exactly where magic was always meant to stay alive: in our hearts and our in memories. Our job, as consenting and mature adults, is to go out there and make new magical memories especially with the one that we promised to love, to honor and to cherish!

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About the Author: Kim Malchuk was born in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, the youngest of seven children. Although her early years were infused with fear, her spirits were buoyed by her dreams of a brighter future. In 2005, Kim lost the love of her life, Mel, to cancer; a cruel but essential teacher in her life’s journey. Choosing to persevere with courage and hope, Kim soon recognized the role our thoughts play in governing the course of our lives. Her inspirational book Tasting Rain ( puts these life lessons to the test with charming wisdom, wit and authenticity.  Kim enjoys athletics, the outdoors and skydiving. She lives in Winnipeg, Canada and has found her “inspired purpose” in life as a writer, motivational coach and inspirational public speaker.

One comment

  • brenda mckay

    You have said what needs to be heard, Kim. I truly have experienced non-communication in a way that devastated me. When you are true to yourself and your signifigant other, but the person you choose is not true to themself, they truly can never be true to you. The consequence? Loss of what might have been, and spent hearts. In losing at love, If I have learned one thing, it’s that loving unconditionally is good for both of you, but sooner or later, the one who is still communicating loses the most. You must never, ever take true love for granted. There is a cost for loving. People today want everything free and immediately. That means at no cost. So if that’s your philosophy, sit on the couch, watch reruns, eat what you want, do what you desire with no thought to some other’s need for intimacy, or even your own. Sitting together and watching reruns is better than alone, but amusement is just that, a non-thinking exercise. Better yet go to bed and exercise love and communication.

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