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A new week brings new ideas. This week is completely different because we are revisiting some topics that we have covered. We have new views, angles, opinions and even data to share on some things. We know, why would we change our minds about something? Aren’t we always right? Yes, of course we are. We aren’t recanting, we are expanding our views on fatherhood this week and maybe even looking at some things we missed last time. For instance, when did Daddy become a sexy word?
Lee says: I love my Dad. He is a great guy. My Dad was a good father, albeit lenient and probably a bad example in some areas but he was there, he loved us and I have some very wonderful memories of him. My Dad worked hard, played hard and when he was younger, could sleep all day on a Sunday. My Dad said stupid things like ‘I don’t have to go to church because I went everyday when I was a kid’ and ’99.9% of all ____ are ____’ (just fill in the blank to any stereotype). My Dad never apologized and was never wrong.
My Dad for all of his wonderfulness and flaws was not sexy to me. He was my Dad. So, here I am wondering when it became sexy to call the man you were riding, Daddy? Seriously? Is this a sexy thing for the rider or ridee? Personally, I find the whole thing gross. It reminds me of the play Biloxi Blues where the prostitute is telling the Eugene character to ‘Come to Mama’ and Eugene says ‘Please don’t say ‘Come to Mama’’. It’s yucky.
For all the crap that this visionary has taken, Sigmund Freud was not wrong. As a society, we decided his focus on sexuality as a personality definer was his issue, not ours. However, in the dark, dank corners of our mind we know that Siggy was not completely off base. We know that little boys go through a phase of loving their Mommy and feeling betrayed by their Daddy. We know that little girls do the same with their Dad’s but not to the extent of wanting a penis or fearing that Daddy will impregnate her (The Feminine Oedipus Attitude [Electra Complex was Jung’s term] was probably created during a long stint of insomnia after too much cocaine). Insofar as he mentioned female development at all, Freud also mentioned that as children develop, we become libidinally connected to our opposite sex parent. This does not necessarily mean we want to have sex with them but we and they identify with us on a sexually subconscious manner.
So you are wondering, ‘Hey professor, when are you going to address the sexy Daddy thing?’ Well, here it goes! We know parents are important. We know as adults, children learn many things from us and there are many things we choose not to believe that they learn from us. Our kids learn how to be sexual beings from watching us. Subconsciously, they record our behavior especially when we interact with a potential mate (other parent). This is still true with kids raised by same sex couples. A child will gravitate to the parent with the opposite sexual energy as theirs, libidinally connect to them and thus sexuality is born. Daddy becomes some sexual-subconscious trigger as well as Mama.
Does this mean you find your Daddy sexy? Nah. But it does create some weird boundary issues with your lover and you should probably not use it. This is why therapy is so important. Separate your issues and triggers, people! Now come over here Daddy and give Mama some sugar!
Paul says: Daddy’s got your sugar. (I can’t even say it without feeling like a pediphile.)