Sex Tips For The Holidays

Real Relationship Advice

We have been married for almost 24 years (in a couple of weeks). With three kids, two dogs and having our immediate family 3000 miles away, our holidays are a little schizophrenic. We go from the cold, quiet seclusion of our mountain top on the West Coast to the hot, loud overwhelming madness that is Miami. We need to prepare everything before heading East and still spread our cheer on the West. And, just because God has a sense of humor, we celebrate both our son’s birthdays in the month of December (and mine too but who has time). We do all this while we do our normal, everyday work and child rearing. How do we it? How do we do this while remaining as calm as possible while still enjoying our family and friends?


People kick the dog. People slam doors. People isolate themselves with a drink. Even though these behaviors are frowned upon they are accepted as methods of dealing with stress. How are these behaviors better than having sex?

It seems simple. If we aren’t having sex we are talking about it. To maintain our refuge and sanctuary of holy matrimony, we create a secret conversation that permeates everything. We can be at our son’s holiday chorus performance and maintain a private seduction while still enjoying our kids. We compartmentalize the world’s stressors away from our relationship. Sure, a relationship should always be a safe place to share your fears and stresses but it is not the place to release those feelings indiscriminately.

So, how do you create this atmosphere of seduction?

1. Make a date with your partner. Write him/her a note to meet you in the bedroom at a specified time.

2. Set the rules of the game:

  1. Your relationship is a safe zone from stress. It’s you and I against the world.
  2. Sexual innuendos are your private way of reminding the other that they are safe.
  3. Surreptitious groping is encouraged!
  4. Schedule a time and date for sex.

3. No kids in your bedroom—ever! Your bedroom is your sanctuary. We have said this a million times. It isn’t healthy for them and it is detrimental to your relationship with your partner.

4. Break out the nice panties! You know what I mean.

5. Never miss an opportunity to be naughty. If you need to festoon your home and body with mistletoe, then do it!

The holidays are an opportunity to celebrate the year with the people you love. Somehow we have made this time stressful with gift giving and money and parties and drinking and have zapped the holidays of their fundamental context: an extension of thanksgiving and a chance to share the gift of love and friendship. If you need to have sex every night until January to remember that then so be it.

Happy Holidays!

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