Sex and Vacations

You know that they do it all the time.

          As you read this, we are on a family vacation. We are out and about with our three kids, doing some touristy things and seeing some family and friends. While packing, the question arose of how or where we could be intimate and we both laughed. We won’t have that opportunity and God knows we will barely be able to speak with each other let alone be able to be physical. We are going to need a vacation from this vacation when we get back.

          Lee says: Paul and I love to take cruises. Is it the cheesy, second rate shows with comedians who would be pelted with swizzle sticks in a real comedy club? No. Is it the all you can eat fare followed by the non-stop drinking binge? It helps. Is it the ability to have a conversation where we can say a whole sentence and no one interrupts by taking about the Green Ranger or Paramore or just saying Mommy, Mommy? Or is it the ability to completely disconnect from our world and focus our attention on just the two of us?

          We have our ritual when taking a cruise. We get on the boat as early as possible, have a little lunch, have a couple of drinks, go back to our room and knock it out a couple of times and take a power nap before we have to muster. Our first day is hedonistic and focuses on physical satisfaction. We do this to clear our minds and get that stuff out of the way. The first time will be animalistic and frenzied. By the time we have had dinner and an aperitif, we settle into a nice groove. It is the sex we wish we could have at home; noisy and playful.

          After the sexual needs are satisfied we can talk. Now, Paul and I can talk. If you have been reading our blog for any length of time, you should know this. This is how we fell in love, have built our relationship and stay in love. We are intellectuals and we stimulate each other with the word. I’m not being arrogant. I’m just saying what works for us. On a boat, in the middle of nowhere, we let ourselves go and talk until we’re tired. We reaffirm our love. We are able to fine tune our dreams and goals. We are able to plug back into the mojo and mystery that created this partnership that has stood the test of time.  

          Many couples, due to economic restraints, are unable to cruise or take vacations away from home. We understand that. However, the need to be alone with your partner is crucial to the survival of your relationship. Studies show that children are the worst thing you can do to a relationship. It isn’t the kids fault. It’s yours. Kids are a wonderful thing if you deal with it intelligently. Your relationship comes first. Strengthen that, create the foundation for a strong partnership and kids should be easy. Kids are stressful and the smallest of cracks will send the whole thing crumbling down. 

          I have been very blessed to have family who has watched our kids so Paul and I can have some fun. I have been blessed with creativity where I can imagine being away on vacation when I am home. People talk about staycations but are they doing them without the kids around? People tend to maximize their overnight babysitting and want to do something extraordinary when just being alone with your partner will satisfy that need.

          So we will wait for October when we do our Dysaffirmation book signing tour for time alone. I can wait a while for signing, selling and sex. It works for us.

          Paul says: Even on this trip, there will be talking and sex. The talking will come out of the shear fact that the kids have to sleep some time. The sex takes a little more work but the work is fun. I’m one of those sick people that enjoy the challenge of being told that I can’t do something. I have authority issues. Tell me that there is no way for us to do the naughty and I go all secret agent, with clever diversions for the kids and champagne on the pull out bed at Lee’s cousin’s house.


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