Sanctity of Marriage

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          Happy New Year! Guess what we got for Christmas? Our edge back! That’s right, baby, while playing in the blogging community was fun, we found that we kind of got soft. You know what we mean, right? We kind of lost the reason why people read us in the first place. We were never afraid to use one fuck too many or offend. We lost our way for a minute and for that we apologize. Our intention for this year is to be edgier, brutal, raw, nasty and possibly offensive. Fluffy is fine as long as we not compromise our commitment to be the one place on the interweb that you go to get the truth about relationships. So in an effort to start the year off with a bang, this week we will attack the institution of marriage itself. That’s right, baby! CoupleDumb is going to violate the sanctity of marriage!

          Lee says: Oh, it is so good to be back. Just for good measure …FUCK!

          I have been married for almost 22 years. In those 22 years, I have behaved as well as can be expected of me. I have tried to be a good wife, partner, lover and friend. I have tried to participate to the best of my ability in co-creating a strong vision of our family and attempted to silence my bossiness as much as humanly possible. I have deferred to my husband and sat back while he did his thing. I have been ever supportive and loving while he worked out where and who he wanted to be in life. I gave up booze and cigarettes and tuna fish and drugs while I was pregnant and then breastfeeding. I have learned to count to ten and then ten thousand to avoid cataclysmic, hormone fueled, apocalyptical arguments that would have resulted in nothing but hurt feelings and damaged psyches. I have never cheated, been unfaithful or mentally fucked another person while in my marriage (or out of it for that matter). In religious parlance, it would be said that I have maintained the sanctity of my marriage. I say, bullshit!

          The term ‘sanctity of marriage’ is a little phrase concocted by uptight WASPy assholes that were busy looking down on people while maintaining a mistress on the side. The only people who harp on the sanctity of marriage are the same people who won’t allow others to marry and live in quiet desperation of some sort of meteor falling out of the sky and crushing their spouse.  There is no such thing as the inherent sanctity of marriage. It is not like some sort of shroud of power that is bestowed on you when you say ‘I do’. The sanctity of a marriage is something that the individuals themselves create.

          Marriage in this country is a farce on so many levels. We have created this hypocritical system of white dresses and flowers along with a drive through Elvis who can marry you and give you a coupon booklet to get a free drink at the casino next door. Just because you wore a white dress, had an old priest and a young priest perform the ceremony and held your reception at a country club or church hall, does not make your marriage any more sacred than the two kids who were hitched by a county clerk who never made eye contact. The sacredness of a union is not bestowed by God but is created by the two people who are married who choose to love and honor one another. Sure, it makes God happy that we are happily married but it does not give us secret married powers.

          The sanctity of marriage that is spoken of is the sanctimonious bullshit spouted by allegedly frigid, bitches like Maggie Gallagher from the National Organization of Marriage. She looks generally miserable and appears to need to make everybody else feel as crappy as her. It is sad that this is the voice of marriage in the United States. She looks like she hasn’t had a good orgasm in a long time. Perhaps when she was an unwed mother and fornicating things were different? Either way, marriage is what a couple decides it is; not NOM or Mom or the church or anybody else. My marriage is sacred ‘cause I say so. Happy New Year!

          Paul says: Happy Fuckin’ New Year

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