Safe and Loving Marriage
A human being is born with certain inalienable rights. Among those is the right to life, laughter and love. We are worthy of everything the universe has to offer and then some. We deserve to be respected and heard. You would think that your chosen spouse/partner would be the first to remind you of this or at the very least honor you for your being. When they do not, the feeling is worse than if the entire world turned their back on you. Here is the person you chose as your life-mate and they do not hold you with the esteem that the universe placed in each of us. You feel small, worthless and undeserving. This is not what marriage is about.
We often receive letters and emails asking us how to change certain behaviors and or if we think something is right or wrong (to settle a bet). Sometimes we receive a note telling us how someone feels in their relationship and, without getting to specific, how they feel that this is all there is. Those are the letters that fuel our desire to keep writing and sharing the message that ‘IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT!’
Sure, we may have watched Mom and Dad live a miserable existence of shared hate and animosity. Sure, we probably had no clue what unconditional love was unless we heard someone preach about it in the same breath as going to hell if you misbehaved. Ultimately, we thought that when we walked down the aisle that all would change. This person next to you was going to love you for who you are and who you would become. Instead, you settled into a version of Mom and Dad.2 and you were convinced that you could do no better. Sure, you love your kids and try to show them affection, the same affection your parents denied you. But that is not enough to fill the void in your heart. Fill the hole in your soul.
Marriage should be a safe place of love and understanding. You should have your heart filled to overflowing and have so much that loving your children unconditionally is easy. Marriage should be a place where you are reassured that you are worthy and deserving; a place where the promise of the universe becomes a reality. Anything less and you are being cheated.
Do not settle. Do not believe the lie that your parents lived. Be happy and demand to be treated with the honor and respect and love and beauty and deliciousness that the universe promised.