Revisiting Sex Addiction

Real Relationship Advice

Sex is a release. Drinking disinhibits and relaxes us. Drugs make us feel euphoric. Getting a deal makes us feel exuberant and accomplished. Anything that makes you feel good can be abused and you can develop a dependency. This is the basis of Addiction. If you like it then you can overdo it. Anyone who has eaten ice cream, lobster thermidor, chocolate or even a delicious pizza from your favorite purveyor knows we can easily overdo it when we enjoy what we are doing. CoupleDumb has discussed addiction a million times and we can think of no better way to end up our Tired Parent series than to remind our readers of the icky side of over doing it.

Since the 70’s, our culture has had a constant theme of ‘do it cause it feels good’. This mantra is repeated throughout our adulthood. Sure, when we are kids we are taught the terrible consequences of being a hedonist like being overweight, death and going to hell but that all changes in adulthood. All of a sudden doing anything in excess becomes a rite of passage or a means by which we ‘blow off steam’ or the consequences are magically removed with ‘if it makes you happy’. These rationalizations mean very little when we find ourselves in the pit of addiction with no discernible way of getting out.

In the realm of sex, the snares that to lead addiction are the following:

1. Pornography: In the old days, porn was viewed only by old perverted men who were looking for some excitement. Today, porn is main-stream and its availability permeates every section of our lives. We can live stream sex acts on our phones! Pornography fills our head with images that both entice and fascinate. This combination makes us seek out more and when we combine it with masturbation we increase the possibility of creating a dependency.

2. The search for the ultimate sexual experiences: We recently were introduced to ‘fuck it lists’; a bucket list for sex. These lists could contain certain individuals but most people place different sexual experiences on their lists like orgies, certain places to engage in sex, swinging or they include S&M or B&D. Without needing a degree in Psychology, one can see how this can lead to an addiction. When we search for the bigger high we are in the realm of addiction.

3. Sado-masochism or Bondage and Domination: There is nothing wrong with a little sex play. Buying the occasional toy or outfit just accentuates the sex experience. However, in the arena of S&M, B&D, Infantilism and all the other practices, sex is rarely the end result. Much of what is done is in substitution for intercourse. Many people believe that after a rousing session of boot licking and perhaps some flogging that the slave will get to have sex with the master. Hardly. These lifestyles take the place of sex and create a world where the ‘game’ is all there is.

As humans, we tend to overdo things. There is nothing wrong with having fun or a little experimentation as long as we understand that there are consequences to everything we do. There are no free rides and searching for a bigger orgasm or higher high is the path to addiction. If you engage in any of these activities, we invite you to ask yourself ‘how do I feel about me?’ If there is shame or you feel disconnected, please seek help right away.

Sex is a gift and we invite everyone to enjoy themselves….in the privacy of their homes with a committed partner. Ultimately, that holds the better possibility of the best sex you have ever had.

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