Relationship With Money
Ava asks: Lee this is a question. The man I am seeing is brilliant with money and has a lot of it through diligence, great money tending skills and smarts. I was raised in a family that had lots of money and used it to control others and to part with it as soon as possible. I have been in therapy 30 years and have solved many issues, but I still have a love hate relationship with money. I want to know how to ask my friend for help, but since it is my problem I have been struggling alone with it. I am 4000 in debt and work hard to pay it off, and I am good with paying my bills. AND I seem to want things that aren’t important like clothes, etc. that I don’t really need. How can I make myself more responsible as I don’t want to impose my bad habits on him, and I want to be healthy with money for myself? Ava
Lee says: Thanks for the question, Ava. First, there are roughly 6 items that we need to address in this ‘question’ and I will try to answer them succinctly and gently.
1. You have not solved your issues as much as resolved them at the time. Issues are like having an illness. They go into remission when you address the triggering of it. They are never truly conquered without some major overhauling of your belief system (when I mean belief system I am referring to the beliefs you have made about the world, life and yourself).
2. Money is energy. Having money issues when you claim that you were raised with lots of money and all the energy surrounding that means that your issue with money is a lot more complicated than you think. I would start looking at that whole ‘controlling thing’ you mentioned. That sounds like a juicy place to start digging.
3. Your debt is your debt. Wanting isn’t a bad thing unless it is compulsive and obsessive then it is unhealthy.
4. How do you make yourself more responsible? That is a huge question. I would start by recognizing where you see yourself as a victim. The meta-message to your question really screams that you are a victim to money so that may be an area where you can start making changes. You are also stating that you victimize yourself by buying things that are not needed. Here is a suggestion: Be nice to yourself. Don’t ride yourself so hard.
5. How, do you ask? Responsibly. Being responsible is not blaming yourself. Blame is an anchor and responsibility is a battle cry! Responsibility carries you forth and is a mandate for change. Blame begs you to sit and wallow.
6. Sometimes it is best to sit in your mess for a while. Instead of getting out of debt, perhaps being in debt would help you gain perspective to your money issues. Money is energy and it flows or floods or gets hung up on obstacles. Money teaches us many lessons about life. Having money or not having money is a mindset. I know it is difficult to be in debt and you feel bad and like a failure and shame on you and bad girl and on and on…You are a victim to your money and you need to handle that relationship.
I hope this helps. If you find you need some extra coaching, we can schedule a Skype session. Please remember that you are an amazing creation and have infinite power. Somewhere along the way, you decided you didn’t. Find that point in time and rewrite your life. Good Luck!