Recap: Attachment-bad, Star Wars-all knowing, never piss off a writer.
So what have we learned this week? We’ve shared our experiences with the church and how we continue to work on our feelings related to this incredible betrayal. Please understand, in some really fucked up way, we are thankful and grateful for this experience. We have ultimately created a healthier relationship with God and look forward to sharing this with our kids. We discussed the bigotry of the church and how they twist their beliefs and the message of Jesus to fit their homophobic agenda. And all of this has to do with attachment.
Lee says: ‘If you love something, set it free…’ I’m not referring to the Sting ditty but to the quote. The words are not about breaking up as some believe but about attachment. Being attached to things, places, routines and people creates anxiety and chaos in your life. I’m not the one that get’s all Zen with you. That’s Paul. I’m talking simple psychological processing. If you hold on to something with both hands and maintain all focus on this thing, then any change in the situation or threat to your hold will cause you anxiety.
Most people hate change. It’s understandable since most people have issues with attachment (I am not saying attachment disorders since my fellow psych professionals would be all up my ass for using a diagnosis incorrectly). The main cause of anxiety is change. The complications of grief or recovery or a simple break up are more due to the drastic change in one’s life and the attachment to the way life used to be. We cultivate our anxiety by finding new ways to make attachments and substituting one for another. You ever heard of drug addicts finding Jesus in recovery? You ever hear of rebound love? Did you think only Rainman freaks out if he doesn’t see Wapner at 3?
Far be it from me to question someone’s conversion experience. I am sure all drug addicts who find Jesus are genuinely moved just like Paul of Tarsus (from the Bible). But even when we examine this story, the attachment still rings true. He was the ‘Hebrew of Hebrews’. He was the persecutor of Christians. And one flash of light and the voice of Jesus later, he is the biggest Christian and the architect of the Christian revolution. A zealot. An addict. What’s the difference? Isn’t fanaticism another form of attachment?
Another quote I like is ‘Opinions are like assholes…’ We become so attached to our point of view, our life, the way it is, that any deviation is an abomination. Life is change and we fight it all the way. We are convinced that any variation to our beliefs, lifestyle, or being, is wrong. Change is like New Coke. Don’t mess with our favorites and stay away from improving things as well. We like our sodas in the red can, we like our Oprah fat, we like our religions conservative, we like our principals accommodating and incompetent, we like our sex missionary and we like our families ‘traditional’. What’s wrong with that?
Paul says: Everything is wrong with that. I my case, I seek out change just to break unnecessary attachments. I do not recommend it for everyone but there has to be an acknowledgement that things do change and we need to grab that change with the same vigor that we hold on to our attachments. If not, then change rolls over us and we become victims when we could be conquerors. If I learned anything from this experience, it is not to cling to the lemons nor to be attached to the lemonade but to revel in the new experience of setting up the booth. Or, to return to the all important Star Wars analogy, it’s not about whether Darth Vader is following the evil emperor or Yoda but his transformation within the Force. Who knew that all relationship advice could be found in Star Wars?