Reader’s Comment: Lee too nice to Men
One of our loyal readers complained that we were being too lenient with men and said that we were ‘too soft on them because of your low expectations’. More specifically, she believed Lee was too easy on them. Because we have not reached a level of fame to ignore the opportunity to suck up to someone, we will revisit the subject of Men and Lee will be allowed to let loose on the male of the species.
Lee says: When my friend Hinchey talks, I listen. I guess you can say that I respect her and ultimately her opinion matters to me. When she told me I wussed out on slamming the guy-folk I went back and read my comments from last week. In many cases I used flowery language to describe something that, for many women is a source of pain.
Men come in all kinds of flavors from the emotion-less automatons to the metro-sexuals who need to address every feeling as they occur. Most issues in a relationship revolve around a man’s inability to express his feelings and address the needs of others. I mentioned that men are rule makers but the reality of creating parameters is that feelings are a worthless commodity in their kingdom. The limits they set are almost an alternative to emotions of any kind and the introduction of that type of chaotic variable tends to set most men looking for other options. In other words, when us chicks get complicated and crazy, men get out.
So does this mean that men lack the ability to commit? The sad answer is sometimes yes. We can look at this phenomenon sociobiologically where we see the pure function of humans as seed distributors. Or we can look at this from a family of origin perspective and see that a man has little need to stick around. We have lowered our standards for what a man does, especially when a man is a father. As a mate, the gold standard for a man is that he be a decent provider and tries not to leave marks. I know that sounds mean but I am talking in generalities. Let’s face it, Chris Brown is still considered a good guy because he has a job and we all know Rihanna must have provoked him (please, for the love of God, do not think I am being serious).
The standards for a good father is even less than that of a mate. If he sticks around and is seen with a baby bottle then he is amazing. Don’t believe me? Kevin Federline was actually given a father of the year award! Did we forget that he had fathered a couple of kids before he abandoned his girlfriend for Britney? Of course we did! All we see is now he has his children and they aren’t riding in a car in someone’s lap or eating Cheetos for breakfast. Our standards for men are so incredibly low that we are willing to give them a fucking medal for just showing up!
Well this isn’t the Special Olympics and we aren’t all winners here. In the world of relationship and parenting, it takes more than showing up to be successful. An investment of time, energy, love and willingness to change the stinky diapers is a must. A man needs to be flexible with his own rules and know that his mommy might have believed he was the Son of God but in the real world he needs to wash dishes and participate in a household which means more than being commander of the remote control.
I thank Hinchey for calling me on my own short-sightedness. As always, my friend keeps me on my toes. Perhaps men, like my grandmother would say, do have a part of the Devil. Don’t they say that the Devil’s best trick was convincing people he didn’t exist? Kind of like men who have convinced the world that being responsible in a relationship is just making a special guest appearance.
Paul says: I write eleven words and get the same amount of credit.