Pig or Chicken

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          This week on CoupleDumb: Wives vs. Husbands.

          Today’s question: Are you a chicken or a pig?

          A chicken and a pig watched a family as they had a lovely breakfast of eggs and ham. The chicken marveled at how his eggs were such a main feature in the meal and was proud of its involvement. The pig looked at the same scene and said, ‘Pigs are not just involved in this meal, they are committed!’ Relationships go by the same premise. How far are you invested?

          Lee says: A wife is said to lose herself the moment she is married. If we think of early courtship, the caveman would go off and club his woman on the head and drag her to his cave. She was his. Traditionally, she is expected to take her husband’s name and even in normal parlance she is referred to as Mrs. Her Husband’s Name. A woman commits to the marriage and takes vows much like a nun. The veil and garb showing her preparation for the ritual that will strip her of her innocence and childhood. When a woman marries, she is expected to turn her back on childhood things and grow up.

          It is a really sad day when a woman realizes that her husband is not invested like her. It is a sadder day when she realizes that society does not expect nor require him to see his marriage as the foundation of his life and he is perfectly able to compartmentalize the relationship to ‘thing I do when I’m not working or hanging out with friends’.

          The question then would be what way-of-being is healthier? What level of investment would produce the happier life? Statistics bear out that being totally committed to a marriage is better for you in all life areas. Married people live longer, are healthier and have more sex! We know that married people are more successful throughout life and make more money. And yet, some people want to play marriage like it’s a part time job. Listen up husbands, being married is not just something else you do when you grow up. It is your job and you do other things to enhance it like get a job and have kids and make friends. In life, it is way better to be a pig than a chicken. At least pigs are tastier. 

          Paul says: Men take a wife but it is a long time before they become husbands. There is hope because we do become husbands eventually. It may take a while. In the first two years of marriage, I can say pretty solidly that a husband is not a husband. He is a married lover. He is a boy playing at being a man. He is having his cake and eating it too. About year seven, around the seven-year itch, a man needs to make a decision. It may not be a conscious one, with pie charts and risk analysis, but he does redefine himself as husband (and father, if applicable).

          We are not programmed to change without being conquered so it takes us a little longer to make the decision ourselves. Yes, men are pigs. Some are the bad pigs and some are the good pigs. Some of us make a decision to root about while others of us are committed to bacon.  I am all about makin’ bacon.

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