Oscar 2011 Predictions

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          Oscar Predictions! This year we can actually speak with a little intelligence! We watched every Best Picture Nominee! We have real opinions based on our judgment of their work, not personality. Now, we have to be honest, some people we just don’t like. You can cover them in chocolate and add a liberal sprinkling of nuts and we won’t care. See if you can see who we hated this year.

          Best Picture- This category is as wide as it is long. How you are supposed to judge a film like Toy Story 3 next to Winter’s Bone is beyond me. And, while on the subject, 10 nominees? Seriously?!? I could have pared this list down to five easily. ‘The King’s Speech’, ‘Black Swan’, ‘The Social Network’, ‘The Kids Are All Right’ and ‘Toy Story 3’, see how easy? King’s Speech for the win!

          Best Director- Directors can be pretentious assholes and this list is no different. This one is a tossup. I am drawn to my two favorite films (King’s Speech, Black Swan) but I think this year is not going to follow the tradition of Best Director and Best Film. David Fincher for the win for a film that fictionalized something that is used by a bazillion people a day. I can see fictionalizing King George VI because he died a while ago but Mark Zuckerberg was just seen buying a soy latte at the Starbucks with a slice of the Majorca Bread. That takes guts. Not the Majorca bread, the other thing.

          Best Actress – I have to say that Bening, Kidman and Portman are some of my faves. Jennifer Lawrence, however, was nominated because she was in a gritty, independent film where she skins a squirrel on camera and gets her ass kicked by ugly mountain women. Michelle Williams always acts like she has cramps. You know those cramps that make you hunch over ever so slightly. Portman blew me away with her crazy ballerina. Portman for the win!

          Best Actor – This category was easy. Jeff Bridges said it at the Oscar Luncheon, ‘this is Colin’s year!’ Jesse Eisenberg played Zuckerberg like a guy with Asperger’s and James looked like he enjoyed the pain a little too much (if you know what I mean). Colin was so sublime and you instantly felt for the guy. Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck! Loved it. Firth for the win!

          Best Supporting Actress – This category is packed with amazing performances. Helena Bonham Carter, reigned her batshittedness and played her royal highness with such beauty. Love. I was not a fan of little Hailee Steinfeld. I don’t blame her. I blame the screenwriter who expects me to believe a 14 year old in the 1870s to know what malum prohibitum and malum in se mean. Really? Kids don’t know that now! The women in The Fighter were scary. These bitches can throw down! I have to say I am a fan of Amy Adams and especially of cussing and fighting Adams. However, Melissa Leo played a narcissistic Mom better than I have seen a while. She triggered the crap out of me. Leo for the win!

          Best Supporting Actor – Everyone in this category was great (except for Renner- I didn’t watch it- don’t look at me like that- I said I watched the best picture nominees). I especially liked Geoffrey Rush as the Speech Therapist in the king’s Speech. He was wonderful! However, Bale as a crackhead was mesmerizing and exhausting. I think I lost a few pounds watching him. Bale for the win!

          Best Animated Feature Film – I am formally protesting that Despicable Me and Megamind were not nominated.  The Illusionist?!? No minions or egomaniacal almost bad guy in that film. Sad. Toy Story 3 for the win!

          Best Foreign Language Film – How do you say ‘meh’ in Spanish, Canadian and whatever other language is nominated?

          Best Original Screenplay – I have to say the King’s Speech was such a lovely film. The story was so well told. I can’t disagree with the Queen of England. King’s Speech!

          Best Adapted Screenplay – Aaron Sorkin is a masterful writer. Dialogue is his bitch. Sorkin for the win!

          Best Documentary Feature – This is another category where I call bullshit! Waiting for Superman deserved a nom. The dart fell on Restrepo for the win.

          Mish-Mosh of other categories-

          Best Film Editing –‘Black Swan’ – watch it again and see Portman’s face all over the place. It was amazing!

          Best Visual Effects – Harry Potter because it’s Harry Potter. I loved this movie and it makes me cry just thinking if it.

          Best Cinematography – ‘Black Swan’ –Purdy movie.

          Please join us with a glass of bubbly while we watch the Oscar’s and make fun of the stars! The drunker we get the funnier we type! Catch us Sunday, the 27th at 6pmET. We are live blogging! There may also be some drunk blogging (you have been warned). See you there!


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