Opinions are like…
Friday! We are quickly approaching a hectic time for us and more importantly we are only a few days away from the launch of our new website, ParentDumb. You can probably figure out what the topic of the site will be from the very original and catchy title. Come on! How do these guys come up with this stuff? But before we pull out the party hats, we still need to share one more stupid thing we do to screw up relationships.
Lee says: You know what really bugs me? Obviously a lot of things do but when we are talking about what ruins relationships, the worst thing that any living being can do is letting others have a say in your relationship. If you are having trouble understanding this, it is because your family and friends are speaking so loudly that you cannot allow any more information to enter your head. If you are having trouble believing this it is because your Mommy told you not to.
Everyone knows someone like this or are these people. It is normal for us to rebel against our parents and try our own thing. In some cases, this sudden burst of independence is the impetus to move the parent/child relationship to the next level where the parent acknowledges and respects the young adult. Without some rebellion, the respect hardly ever comes. This is one of the reason parents feel they have the right to judge, opine and generally direct your love life. Even though Mom’s get a bad rap, in most cases, it is well deserved.
Mom and Dad will always feel a right to you as chattel. That is not uncommon. When a child comes into a parent’s life, even in utero, we say things like ‘MY BABY!’ That feeling does not go away. You are always their baby. Trust me. My babies (17, 6 and 3) are today and forever my babies and I would cut a bitch if they did anything to them. The difference is that I can see them grow and know that I will have to back off on the Mama Bear stuff once they are older. I don’t have to like their partners but I must respect their choices. This does not preclude me from being present and supporting my child when they have love issues, not giving an opinion but being supportive.
Also we have friends who feel the need to share their commitment issues and generalize them onto everyone. Marriage is shit! Marriage is a sham! Why get married when over 50% of marriages end in divorce? This is the commitment-phobes mantra and if we have negative people like this around us, they will sabotage our relationships every chance they get. Perhaps not consciously but hearing their mantra, like all chanting, seeps into our sub-conscious mind. When things become stressed in our relationships, the mantra is activated and it justifies the feelings of fear or distress that marital tension can create. Then it just becomes a series of justifications and repeating the mantra ourselves and we are converted.
My advice, stay clear. Keep your relationship clean by maintaining boundaries with everyone. What you do and how you love is your business. If you have a friend in a bad situation or worse, a child, then it becomes a fine dance of stating your opinion, reminding them you love them and will support them and being there when shit goes down. The choice of how mature you will be is up to you. If you are the one in relationship, your maturity is up to you as well. Wow, can you imagine if all adults dealt with relationships in a mature manner? Nope, neither can I.
Paul says: Why do people listen to folks that can’t keep a relationship together? Let’s all get our relationship advice from our friend that has been in six relationships this year. Then will get a big hamburger from the anorexic girl and a some financial advice from the homeless guy.