No Such Thing As Bad Sex
Paul says: Barring extreme physiological reasons, there really is no excuse for bad sex. God designed us quite logically in that respect. He made it so that the boy happy part rubs rather nicely on the girl happy part. And, for our same-sex readers, you’ve figured out how to rub happy parts very well. We are all made to enjoy sex. So why don’t we?
Studies show that men and women are more alike than they are different. Researchers actually call this the gender difference hypothesis myth. This is an opportunity to say it again: John Gray is full of shit. One of the few places that the genders do differ, and only in some respect, is with sex. One of the differences is under the category of arousal. Men, because we have outies, have a physical indicator of our arousal that in turn causes more arousal. In other words, being turned-on gives us a woody and getting a woody turns us on.
Women are different. There is very little coincidence between the physiological reaction to arousal and the psychological mechanism. Women can have the symptoms of excitement and not even know it. But is this an excuse for bad sex? Absolutely not!
Every guy who has ever been on-the-make knows what a woman likes, at least in part. Men and women both know that men are more visual and women more cerebral. Women who are looking for sex, flash a little more boob and add a little more leg with the fuck-me pumps. Guys walk into a club and become ‘players’. They talk. They fuck the women’s mind long before the body.
We all know this but somewhere along the line, something happens. I got to do a caveat before I continue. An asshole out of bed is an asshole in bed. We know a couple where the man doesn’t want to manually stimulate the woman because he does not want her to get used to it. See, that has nothing to do with sex. That is just plain inconsiderate and I can guarantee that that does not stop at intercourse. This attitude extends to washing dishes and staying out with friends.
That aside, let’s focus on women now since a man’s graduation of sexual prowess is generally dependant on the level of comfort (and willingness) of the woman. So ladies, do you have the big O? That’s one of the first question Lee asks when she is counseling about sex. Can you give yourself one? If you can, then everything is working just fine. Then the hard question comes. (Yes, there are harder questions then masturbation.) Do you feel safe? This is usually the bottom line of bad sex. Take out physiology and check for the asshole factor. If neither are a problem then it is safety, which is a huge can of worms.
We live in a dichotomous world of mixed messages. Sex is great as long as mom, dad, God, my teachers, or anyone else doesn’t find out. Sex is great but I can’t tell anyone. Sex is great as long as my lover doesn’t look at me. Sex is great until I mess it up.
I say sex is great, period. Let it be good. Go get yours. And when you are done, the only thing that you need to think about is when you are going to do it again. (Disclaimer: Sex addicts please disregard the last paragraph. Sex is bad. Stay away from it.)
Lee says: Asshole factor? Sometimes Paul needs to think before he uses words especially when discussing sex. I am sure he doesn’t mean ass-play. Maybe.
Safety is important and so is connection. I know I am good in bed because I want to pleasure my partner. It does not take a degree or special certification to do that right. If you are not interested in your partner getting off then the sex will be less than it could be. However, the bottom line is good sex requires surrender and commitment. Without that, mediocre will just have to do.