May And December Do The Nasty

THE Relationship Blog

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We know you read CoupleDumb because we are going to give you the straight poop on all things coupling and relating. We discuss everything from dating to marriage to parenting to your relationship with the world at large. So, this week’s topic is interesting in that it touches on some issues that to some cultures are perfectly all right and others are taboo. We are talking about May/December relationships or more to the point, Cougars and whatever a man is called when he dates a woman much younger than him.

Men have been doing it forever. Throughout history, the marriage of men with significantly younger women was commonplace and was widely accepted in most cultures due to financial reasons. The concept of classes has also held an important part in the appreciation of relationships with age disparities. In other words, these relationships are accepted if the man is older and of a higher economic echelon. In times of war and recession, these relationships also add a sense of stability to a family. Statistically, most women prefer men their age or older while men invariably choose younger women.

Socio-biologically it makes sense that a man would choose a younger woman. While a man is potentially fertile until death, a woman has a window of opportunity from the ages of 12-45. With every passing year, women become less fertile. Men’s fertility may wane but ultimately men have been known to father children into their 80s. Woman, without the help of science, are generally done with their child bearing in their early 40s. Thus, a man who wants progeny would be wise to choose a younger woman with fresh eggs and stable hormones.

That aside, we know that a lot of these relationships aren’t about making babies. Emotionally, a man in his 40’s, 50’s and 60’s are taking quite a hit on their concept of themselves as men. The men are seeing serious declines in testosterone which effect’s their ability to become aroused or even maintain the rigidity of an erection as before. They see that men younger than them are doing more and their lives may or may not have met their expectations. Male Menopause is still debated but the facts are that while women struggle with hormonal changes causing physical and mood changes, so do men. No, their menses are not in question but their view of themselves as young bucks ready to take on the world is.

A younger woman invigorates the man. A younger woman makes a man feel better about himself. And, in some cases, a younger woman can actually have a man live longer. However, a young woman can remind a man how old he is. Perhaps her energy or insatiable sexual appetite may put a strain on a body that is far from his prime. Thus the Viagra boom makes more sense. Never has a medication been sold as much, that quickly, all over the world. Meanwhile, as the joke goes, there is very little funding for Alzheimer’s… their dick will be hard but they won’t know what to do with it.

We don’t judge. If it works, God bless you. However, knowing that relationships are successful based on compatibility of sex, values, beliefs, aspirations and common social experiences, it seems that many of these relationships are really a case overlooking a huge part of one’s personality and the only way the age disparity works is if the couple meets in the middle. In other words, she acts older and he acts younger. Either way, they are ignoring their own truth.

May-December relationships increase as the divorce rate goes up. Why saddle yourself with someone of your same age group? It’s not like it worked before! At least that is the mentality of some especially if aging was part of the problem (i.e. Midlife crises or Menopause). We strongly recommend that these romances take their time, get to know each other and lower expectations. He may not be your sugar daddy and she may not be your trophy (like a wide mouth bass).  But maybe, you can make something great. Or maybe you are with her because her tits are perky and you are with him because of the money. We’re not judging. Whatever works for you.

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