Married Crazy

It's all about committment

          Thank God it’s finally Friday! Yes, TGIFF! Where the extra ‘F’ is not what you automatically think it is. You are so nasty! Anyways, we are talking about success this week but mainly looking at how we react to it. As we have mentioned, we aren’t very good about it. This doesn’t seem to stop us from working at it 24/7.

          Lee says: Fear of success is a misnomer in my opinion. I think it is a lack of belief in the concept of success as it pertains to yourself. Those people who demonstrate a lack of motivation or inclination at putting the effort into creating success have no connection with any achievement. However, those people who work diligently, loyally and blindly to realize a goal and are unable to embrace it and boast of it are the ones that we can relate to best. Is it healthy? No. Is it self deprecating? All the time.

          The book signing followed by being guests on a radio-show yesterday have me in a tail-spin. What am I to believe? Haven’t people realized that I’m a hack? Probably, but they are too polite to say it. The part of the book signing that had me reeling was seeing complete strangers pick up our book and thumb through it.  The more amazing part was when they would laugh, buy it and ask us to sign it. I kept wondering if they were out of their minds or just being nice to me.

          I know this is a problem and as successes come at us one after another I need to get my shit together. I need to be accepting and thankful for the accolades as much as I embrace the negative comments and rejections. Yes, this is a question of self esteem but more than that, it is a question of worthiness. If we don’t feel worthy of praise, then we can not hear it. If we don’t feel worthy of success then we can not appreciate it.

          So down to the salt mines we go. Back to therapy to figure out why we both reject success so vigorously. Perhaps it’s because we are actually doing something we love and it doesn’t feel like work? Or maybe, since we work together, the other credits the partner more than themselves so the success is misplaced on themselves (oh Paul is way better than me!). All I know is that for all the work we do, and let me tell you we work every day and into the night, we don’t think it’s enough.

          We have mentioned before that we both have a workaholic streak in us and we try to temper the mania by watching the other and tethering ourselves with time limits so we don’t go crazy. Sometimes it works. However, sometimes one of us will work until we can’t see straight and the grumpiness includes ear rubbing and high pitched whining. This is where the golden rule kicks in: Only one of us can be crazy at any given time. This limits the amount of crazy happening and provides the children with a ‘safe’ parent when the other one begins hallucinating from exhaustion.

          All of this to say, we work very hard and don’t sabotage our successes. We just don’t handle them well. We are working hard to celebrate with something more than a high five, fist bump or OMG face. Maybe we can take a couple of days to bask in the recent CoupleDumb achievements. Get away from the kids and puppies and just relax. Sure. And then again we can use that time to write our CoupleDumb book which we have slated to be finished by next month. I promise to take a few minutes to toast our success with some coffee and a hardy handshake.      

          Paul says: When I wrote my part of Thursday’s post, I had not read this and she hadn’t read mine. So this level of insanity is natural in us. Not only are we married but our crazy is married too. Ain’t that sweet?


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