Love 101

          We are pretty sure that there are some people out there who are really good at loving and being in love. We are positive that there are a handful of folks who could teach a class on Love 101 at their local community college or adult center. We are convinced that just statistically there are those couples who do not need to fret or freak about their relationships because they are healthy and good and all the things people dream about. Unfortunately, we haven’t met a lot of those people so we would love it if you would step up.

          Lee says: I would love to teach the class Love 101. I can see myself teaching the class to adults on a Tuesday evening next door to the Tandoori Today class. The hall will reek of cumin and there would be a good deal of smoke in the air. I would come in early the first day hoping to get a quiet moment to settle and focus on my first class. First impressions are everything. I turn to the dry erase board and write my name in my typical print-penmanship combo. I flourish the ‘Lee’ so the L looks like a Laverne one to see if anyone catches the reference. Then I write the following myth on the board.

          Myth: Love is natural.

          I’m sure I’ll get a lot of crap for that one but if love were a natural thing that people do automatically, why the hell would you be in a Love 101 class?

          I know that at one point in the span of human existence, love was natural. But no more. We have created so many myths and fairy tales and beliefs surrounding love that the natural desire to be open with the one you love is bitted and reined in by the paranoia of pain. You hear the little voice in your head say ‘If you tell him you love him he’ll think you’re needy or trying to trap him or crazy or you just stole his ATM card and purchased tickets to Peru.’ We have sapped the unthinking nature of love and made it a blood sport where you have to wear jerseys and crying is allowed.

          Do I sound a little bitter? Maybe I am. It’s just that I was lucky to find another innocent soul out there who had not been completely warped by the playing field of love and could be honest with me. I fear for my kids. I fear for my friends and family who still hopes for a love connection. I mean, how fucked up are the people out there?

          The other day I heard a lady actually say that she was really good at relationships and proceeded to list out all the men she had been with including the one addicted to pills and the guy who only wanted to have anal sex which she adamantly refused. She considered these the good relationships. I was afraid to probe her on the bad relationships? Me! The psychotherapist who worked with pedophiles, rapists, crack whores and all the other needy souls out there was afraid to ask about the guys this whack job lady thought didn’t stack up to the pill popper and butt fucker.

          Love is gentle and kind and with hard work in the beginning you can lay down an honest foundation. Take the time to be in integrity and responsible with your partner and I promise it will be natural to love, kind of like falling off a bike. Once you’re on the floor, it’s really easy.

          Paul says: I do believe that love is natural. Unfortunately, we have made it into a topiary elephant cut from an artificial bush. Most people wouldn’t know natural love it is tried to trample them with its freshly manicured feet.

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