Live Blog of the Emmys

Hi all. It is that time again. A time when the red carpet announcers call out names of stars and Paul asks ‘Who’s that?’ only to be answered with a fragmented sentence like ‘Lesbian, Good Wife’.

It is Emmy time.  Stay with us all night, starting a 5 EST.

We are joined by Marylin from JBug Jewelers.
We are watching E! The Pre-pre-show is hosted by such B and C people that even Lee does not recognize them.
 Apparently someone went through Chelsea Handler’s guest list and got her panel.

Ross the Intern is Chelsea in this case except that Chelsea is more manly.

The dudes stold half of our jokes from last year. Maybe they read CoupleDumb.

Now we are watching people that we do not know critique models on clothing that is not red carpet worthy. Yes, this is the Pre-pre-show.

 Lo somebody is wearing the same dress as Florence Henderson did in the 60’s. Same hair too.

Wait, wait, wait…when did swimsuits become red carpet wear? We’re confused. Here comes Dame Judi Dench in her thong swimwear.

 Thank you, God. Now it is time for the Pre-show. Let there be at least one A-lister, please.

Jane Lynch in a dress!!!!! OMG, happiness. She looks gorgeous and she is not wearing a pants suit.

How did Jimmy ‘No Talent’ Falon get to be the host?

The GlamCam 360. Ugly all the way around. 

George K. is in and Jai is out. With Ross there, they have met their gay quota.

Jersey Shore: people get more stupid when they watch it. There are no words to describe the idiocy. We have never seen the show and just this part has dropped us a few IQ points.

Ty Burrell’s wife is dressed in a Hobo Kelly original coutoure. Lee thought that Ty was gay.

Thanks to Tivo, we do not understand commercials. They are like bamboo shoots under our nails.

Wheelchair kid from Glee sans wheel chair.

And now Puck from Glee.

Kim Kardasian thinks that Puck is cute. Isn’t she dating Justin Beiber?

Rachel (Lea Michele) from Glee is a fan of Kim. Why? One is talented and the other is…Kim.

We saw Temple Grandin the other day (and yes you will hear about that is another post) but there is no way that Claire Danes looks like that.

Sophia Vergera looks like she is wearing a fish.

John Hamm : Lee calls him her boyfriend. He must die.

Rick Gervais is looking smooth. We love the ‘I’m too fucking important to dress up’ look.

Ryan Murphy says that they are doing a  Rocky Horror Picture Show on Glee. Love it. We’ll bring the rice and squirt guns.

January Jones needed to get her hair did.  The dress looks like something that Bette Midler wore when she did her shows in the ’70’s

Christina Hendricks is all tit.  Other words to describe her are ‘titfull’, ‘titasous’, or ‘titalisous’

 Sookie and Bill are all married and stuff.  Sookie looks like a female matador.

 Heidi Klum is wearing a napkin?… a doily?… panties?

Will Shuster (Matthew Morrison) from Glee is really…. boring. Thank you to Neil Patrick Harris for saving us.

Kyra Sedgwick is all kinds of sweet. But where is her accent?

John Krasinski makes Ryan look like a dwarf. Give one a club and the other an axe and Paul would love this show.

Quinn (Diana Agree) looks lovely now that she had the baby. Yes, we have a problem distinguishing reality from fantasy.

Matthew Fox’s wife looks like Mortisia (She also looks 10 years older than him)

Special note: we are finally back home where we can concentrate on the Emmys instead of Lee’s dad trying to find the boat that he was on during Mariel.

BTW for the amount of money that Ryan makes, he should carry a stool everywhere he goes.

Now the real show begins. Let’s see if Falon can make us laugh.

All we see in the opening number is Glee ft. Hurley. Love it.

Lee just took her bra off. Now we are ready to work.

Lee would do John Hamm. Funny but Paul would do Betty White. (Come on, she’s geriatric hot)

Oh wait, they’re doing award! (We got distracted by the on-screen hotties)

Best supporting actor in Comedy: Eric Soundsomething (chubby gay guy from Modern Family)

Paul caught Lee sexting John Honey-Hamm, John Devilled Hamm, John Smoking-Hamm.

Sophia Vergara can make Jim Parsens straight.

Writing for Comedy: Steve Levitan (Modern Family)

Supporting actress in Comedy: Jane Lynch – Yes, yes, yes.

The guest catagoies apparently are part of the Shmemmys.

Guest Actress in Comedy: Betty White 

Guest Actor in Comedy: Neil Patrick Harris

Directing in Comedy: Ryan Murphy (Glee) – OK, Glee is off to a good start. We’re Gleeks so this is ok with us.

OK, now we have Stewey. We think that he should have hosted the show.

LL, what the hell is up with the hat?

Best Actor in Comedy: Jim Parsons (Big Bang) – Let the geeks rule!

Lead Actress in Comedy: Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) – The one person who wasn’t a comedian won. How sad for the others.

 Now we are on Reality. Next year we want to see Relationship Rehab up there.

Outstanding Reality Program: Top Chef – First thing, outstanding and reality in the same sentence is an oxymoron.

We love the Earnest and Young stuff. Don’t know why.

Wow, we are already to the Drama catagory.

Writing for Drama: Matthew Weiner/ Erin Levy(Mad Men)

Supporting Actor in Drama: Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) – We get really quiet when a show that we never heard of wins. And here is some musak.

Here comes the smoke monster. Can you hear the chick-chick sound?

Worst part of live blogging the Emmys is the commercials. Can’t really Tivo it, can we?

Supporting Actress in Drama: Archie Panjabi (Good Wife) – We called this one. Hey, she has an accent! What the f…? 

Lead Actor in Drama: Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) – Three time in a row. Someone needs to retire his Emmy.

Guest in Drama: John Lithgow and Ann Margret

Director in Drama: Steve Shill – He likes Dr. Who so he is ok by us.

Musical tribute to dead shows. We’re going to cry. 

Actress in Drama: Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer) – Very happy. Love her show. And she is kick ass at the Six Degrees of Separation to Kevin Bacon game.

New catagory. Variety.

Writing for Variety: Tony Awards – We have nothing to say. Did anyone watch the Tony awards?

Director for Variety: Bucky Gunts (Olympics) – We’re going to start using his name as a curse word. 

Best Variety:  Daily Show – And Conan is screwed again.

George Clooney wins the Bob Hope Humanitarian award: Lee said, ‘Damn he’s cute and nice’.

Last catagory is miniseries and movies. Here we go.

Supporting Actress in Miniseries: Julia Ormand (Temple Grandin) – We love that movie because we have our own little Temple at home.

Supporting Actor in Miniseries: David Strathairn (Temple Grandin) – Go autisic people. Oh wait, artistic people in an autistic movie. Whatever. 

Here is the super sad ‘all the dead people’ part. Our favorite.

Writing for a Miniseries: Adam Mazer (You Don’t Know Jack) – Meh.

Actress in Miniseries: Claire Danes (Temple Grandin) – She was fantastic but our daughter does it better.

Directing in Miniseries: Mick Jackson (Temple Grandin) – Apparently we are not the only ones that liked the movie.

Actor in Miniseries: Al Pacino (You Don’t Know Jack) – Al Pacino looks like he needs to find out about Jack. How old is he? Plus he has Snookie hair which is a reason to euthanize him. He looked better doing Jack K. than he does now.

Outstanding Miniseries: The Pacific

Outstanding Movie: Temple Grandin – Temple is hugging!!!! The magic of Hollywood.

Best Drama: Mad Men – Maybe Lost will get it next year. What?

And the last award is

Best Comedy: Modern Family – It’s a good show but it ain’t no Glee.

And we are done. Now it is time to watch all of the shows that didn’t when anything.

See you tommorrow.

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