Life’s Everyday Crazy

Never make eye contact with Corky.

          When Monday arrives with a vengeance, we like to brace ourselves with coffee and sarcasm. Truth be told, we are a quirky pair with loads of odd habits and beliefs. Happy omens and bad luck totems are just a couple of things that help us grade our days. This week, we have decided to dedicate to what we call ‘Everyday crazy’. We are not referring to certifiable loonyness but the stuff we do to make life a little easier. We would like to note that we don’t necessarily condone the everyday crazy. We are just willing to overlook yours if you overlook ours.

          Lee says: A few years back we were in a group retreat. We created some great relationships with fellow participants. There was one in particular who became a great friend to both me and Paul. Like most of us, she had some eccentricities and issues that were a little bizarre. One day, she decided to confide in me some of her wacky habits. She asked me if she was a psycho. This is when I came up with my jewel: ‘Neurotic, not psychotic’. So what’s the difference?

          Neurosis, which is a term we no longer use in the Psychology field, encompasses behaviors and beliefs that involve anxiety, depression, insecurities and irrational fears. They do not include delusions or psychoses of any kind (losing touch with reality). So why make the distinction? What’s the big deal? They both seem fucked up so why separate them?

          Well, my perfectly mentally stable friend, the difference is important because it separates crazy from everyday crazy. Such as, do you consider someone who is superstitious crazy? No. We usually see superstitious people walk around ladders or avoid Friday the 13th but we don’t see them attacking mailboxes because the leprechauns told them to. The difference is as subtle as a baseball bat.

          My everyday crazies are things like making sure the closet door is closed while I’m asleep so the ghosts don’t come out. Yes, I realize that that is completely irrational and that closet doors do not contain an anti ectoplasmic defense system. That is reserved for my blankets. I also have a thing about showering (I have mentioned this before). I like being clean. I don’t wash my hands raw everyday but I do wash them regularly and shower a minimum of twice a day. This habit is linked to a belief that stinky people are bad. Don’t look for understanding in these people. They are completely irrational.

          Paul and I have this thing that the night before any big event like a book signing or a meeting, we have to have sex. We believe that this brings us luck. Sure, there could be worse things we do but this one is just as crazy as my ghost repelling closet door. What separates this sex from just your average two horny married people tempting back strain is our belief that the energy we emit can change our fate. Irrational yet fun!

          These little habits and beliefs are perfect fodder for therapy. These things are based on some patterns and issues that occurred in our childhood and were probably passed down by our parents. They aren’t bad for us unless they take over our lives. Turning door knobs to avoid cataclysms and not going outside because the air is infected by Glenn Beckians are not sane behaviors. Except for the air infection one and for that I wear a mask.

          Paul says: I’m an omen kinda guy. If the music on the radio gives me three really good songs in a row then it will be a good day. The song ‘I can see clearly now’ spontaneously coming up on the ‘70’s station is a direct message from God that can be summed up by picturing the big man smiling, winking and giving me a thumbs up. If the universe tells you three times not to do something then change your plans. I’m not talking little things getting in the way like your son puked on your shoes. I’m talking big stuff like a flat tire, a presidential caravan or a meteor strike that prevents you from going to the store. If these things happen then you damn well can be certain that that store is going to blow up or, at a minimum, your coupons will be expired.


  • Twice-a-day showers?! Sex before big events?!

    You guys are my kind of crazy . . .

    Yesterday morning, I stopped by McD’s for breakfast. My order came to $6.66. Not long ago, I would have changed that order quick enough to rattle the poor employee at the window. But I let it slide yesterday . . .

    It wasn’t easy . . .

    • Now that’s funny! I also have a thing for 444 since our son was born at that time and Paul can’t move unless its on the hour or half our. For example: Honey get up it’s 7:15. Paul: I have 15 more minutes. If he goes a minute over then he’s in bed until 8. I’m starting to see that this is less his crazy and more his incredible laziness.

  • WTH? Being neurotic isn’t legitimate anymore? Wow…it may take two or three counter-clockwise trips, back & forth from the sofa to the wine rack, for me to adjust to the news.

    LMAO @ the grocery store omen. My money’s on the store blowing up.

    • I know. I was very upset about the whole neurosis shunning. It’s kind of like when you are embarassed about where you’re from. Psychologists still bristle at the sound of Freud and want to separate themselves as much as possible. He loved that word. I for one respect the dude. Maybe thats why I have great banana dreams and trains and snakes…

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