Let’s Talk About S-E-X, Baby!
Paul says: Today we have a special guest blogger, Mary McCarthy from Pajamas and Coffee. I want everyone on their best behavior. Lee and I will be having sex. Try not to bother us. Thank you.
Mary says: So I just want to say that this is my first S-E-X post. Usually I leave sex writing to The Bloggess, because she rocks it out loud (the post; not sure how loud she is with the sex.) Anyone who writes about clown porn is cool by me.
So what the eff am I supposed to say about S-E-X anyway?! I have been with my husband since we were 16, we’ve been married for 18 years and we have four kids. Anyone wanna put money on how boring it would be for me to discuss our sex lives? Well, here goes, anyway.
We have sex once a week. It is exactly like taking out the trash- well, I mean, the SEX isn’t like taking out the trash, but the REGULARITY of the sexocity is similar. Capisce? Yeah, I don’t think a week has gone by in the-holy crap- nearly 25 YEARS that we’ve been together that we haven’t had sex. Although some weeks we have not had sex at all due to childbirth (mine, or a really gross one watched on TLC), periods (of the menstrual or the frustration sort) or headache/exhaustion.
These non-sex weeks are, I believe, averaged out by the MORE than once a week weeks (insert porn background music…bow chicka wow wow) like times that we went on a vacation without the children (um, two weeks total in the last 18 years) or attending events involving free alcohol more than twice in a week. Go us.
I will say one more thing about sex: it’s often not as bad as you dread it’s going to be. I mean there are nights where I’ve like felt hubby come a-knocking and I’m all like JESUS CHRIST I just wrote four articles, chauferred four kids to four different activity locations, cooked (ok, microwaved) dinner and did 5 loads of laundry and now you are expecting me to like KISS and DO YOU!?!? Are you effing KIDDING ME?!? But then, because I am too tired to argue (on nights like this he offers the golden ticket: a backrub), I let him just have his way with me, and then I’m kinda like, hmm, that wasn’t so bad, it actually felt kinda good and now I’m going to sleep better. So married sex isn’t so bad after all, folks.
I would just now like to say that I went to Catholic School, where we took vows of verbal sexual chastity, so talking about s-e-x for me is like asking a street crack whore to chair the church bake sale committee. Just want to point out the sacrifice I am making for my good friend Lee. I love you, Lee!
I invite your readers to stop by Pajamas and Coffee sometime and I will invite mine to stop by your rockin blog as well. Carry on with your awesomeness!
Lee says: After Catholic grade school, high school, college and graduate school, the only thing remains of the indoctrination is an overwhelming need to shock the shit of all those nuns who traumatized me. I drink, smoke and love SEX and I hope to GOD that Sister Maria Ghoretti sees that.
Paul and I would like to thank Mary for her awesomeness. Stay tuned for CoupleDumb and Pajamas and Coffee’s next creation which we will debut next week!