Legitimate Rape, Legitimate Idiot

Real Relationship Advice

One of my favorite movies of all times is “The Philadelphia Story” with Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. The movie has great banter and how can you not love a film with such great actors. One of my favorite lines by Katherine Hepburn as Tracy Lord is, “I’m going crazy. I’m standing here, solidly on my own two hands and going crazy.” I think I know how she feels right now. I think a lot of people can relate to that right now. Why? Because we are in a profound moment of lunacy in this country and most of us with an I.Q. over 110 and an open mind are watching as our country slowly dips into insanity.

Sure, I can mention that the Republican Party actually entertained the idea of having Michelle Bachman as their presidential candidate. A woman who aside from having the crazy eyes, told her supporters that God had told her to run for President. Hearing voices notwithstanding, this crazy bitch actually felt the Lord was speaking through her husband when he told her to go into Tax Law and said, “Why should I go and do something like that? But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.” If she wanted to be President, and yet was submissive as the Lord commanded, wouldn’t her husband really be running the country? Oh, wait, I’m sorry, that’s logic and people don’t use that anymore like Latin or spell check.

Sure, I can make fun of the hair helmet for more than a few months’ worth of posts but what really chapped my ass recently is the conversation about abortion and women. For the last few years, Republicans have decided that, probably based on Palin and Bachman, women are too stupid or devious to decide about their own medical care or bodies. From the likes of assholes from the past like Claytie Williams who, during a campaign speech to be governor of Texas in 1990 compared rape to the weather, saying, “As long as it’s inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”  Or Rick Santorum saying this year, “”The right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.” Of course, we remember Ken Buck who referred to a case of date rape as “buyer’s remorse”. And just a few months ago Chuck Winder, the Idaho Senate Majority Leader, stated, “I would hope that when a woman goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape. I assume that’s part of the counseling that goes on.”

But the coup de grâce has to be Republican Todd Akin who in an apparent episode of verbal diarrhea shared his real feelings about women who are “raped” and subsequently become pregnant. He stated: “It seems to me first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” In other words, if you happen to get pregnant after rape, it really wasn’t a real rape; just a pretend rape. Sure, in his paltry defense, he stated he “misspoke” and that he as “deep empathy” for rape victims. He also went so far to say that he was medically wrong but added that he still is Pro-Life and a “defender of the defenseless” all while spouting how rape is a horrible thing.

Mr. Akin, if you truly understood rape you would be defending the defenseless. You would fight for these women and men who are victimized so heinously and robbed of their dignity and any sense of safety. Your original statement shows a deep sense of misogyny and a distrust that makes me wonder if you have ever been caught in a “no means yes” situation. Or perhaps, since you are dickless and gutless, you just rather assault women with words and legislation.  Forgive me, I misspoke? Is this the new “just kidding”?

If you misspoke, Mr. Akin, then explain how you and now Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan co-sponsored House Resolution 5939 in 2010 which sought to stop funding abortions except in cases of “forcible rape”. In other words, unless the rapist broke a woman’s jaw or cut her up, the abortion would not be covered by Medicaid. The real meaning of this ridiculous legislation was that rape through coercion, drugs and manipulation like incest/molestation, were not true rapes. “Lay back and enjoy it”.

So, no, Mr. Akin, you did not misspeak. You were shocked that the rest of the country was not as brainless or heartless as you. You were shocked that instead of applause you received a gasp even from your own party. You were dismayed that your brotherhood of Republicans left you hanging in the wind with your limp dick in your hand. And finally, Mr. Akin, you were shocked that women, even your supporters will make damn sure you do not win your election in November.

And due to the amazing amounts of stuff on this very topic, CoupleDumb will continue to attack… so sorry, we misspoke …. Editorialize on this topic next week. Ah, the benefits of having a platform!


  • SeeryusMama

    Perfectly said!

  • misslori

    This incident left me speechless. I’m so glad you still have your voice and are using it with wit, flare and a heck of a lot of common sense!

  • AidaReyes

    Well said and great information on the voting practices of these idiots. I too feel like I’m living on a planet where all of a sudden stupid people have decided that the sky is now blue! What the f**k! Help! Does anybody know the number to the X-men or the Avengers? There definitely needs to be some ass kicking if we are going to go back and agree that the sky is blue again!

  • CiaoMom

    Perfectly said!!!

  • ConnieFoggles

    Sadly, I am not shocked by Akin’s statement. This type of behavior is rampant in the Republican party. He was recently in Tampa for a “secret” meeting which will probably give him funds to continue his campaign.

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