Lee’s (not a) Christmas list

Leave a comment

I just peed myself a little.
          As we round off our ‘it’s the thought that counts’ week, we thought we would end it by letting the more thoughtful one of us take over the helm. Yesterday proved that Paul has little restraint when it comes to gifts. So, today, we will show you the dichotomous spouse who is more concerned with the thoughtfulness of a gift. The spouse who is satisfied with a drawing from her son where the stick figure sports firey orange hair and the house leans at a Pisa angle. This is the half of CoupleDumb that would prefer to donate her gifts to the poor and homeless than keep anything for her self since she is blessed with so much. Of course we are talking about Lee and this is the list she has compiled of things she never wants to receive.

          Lee says:  It is not hard for me to be selfless. It comes naturally. However, since I hold court over so many fans, I receive gifts all the time. Here is a list of gifts that would piss me off.

Paul and Rover can share. Handy Hairbrush by Mason Pearson

O.K., I’ve got great hair. I can’t lie. But seriously if anyone pays more than a few bucks for a brush I start getting antsy. This fucking brush, which I would confuse with my doggy’s, is $170.00. Do you know how much that is in real people money? Bitch please I use my fingers to brush my hair and those were free.

 

Not bad if you squint.Red Beagle Wall Art

Paul and I had a beagle. He was our first child. Cashew was the best dog in the universe. This is not art. This is a fourth graders collage project. It’s not that expensive but spending any money on this crap is tantamount to giving away the crown jewels. I ain’t cheap people I just don’t piss my money away.

I have not comment for this. It's just a pillow for Christ's sake!

 Boston Navy Breakfast Pillow

Throw pillows are cute. Throw pillows are great accents for any décor. But to pay $50.00 for a fucking pillow that you aren’t even going to sleep on is beyond décor and bordering on psychotic. Was the pillow stuffed with kimodo dragon or unicorn? What the fuck pillow makers?

 For anyone that likes old pussy.
Cat Porcelain Cameo Pin

I hate cats and only women from the turn of the last century should wear cameos. And if you spent $228.00 to give me this I would pin it to your eye. Just saying.

Paul wants this.Bodum 3020-16US Espresso Granos

 
I love coffee and this gift is so beautiful. However, since I do not live in the Los Angeles hills flying saucer house yet, it just would not match the décor of my boring Miami track home. And for $500.00 I can have a barrista blow me at Starbucks while I drink my latte.

          I am so selfless that I want nothing for Christmas, my friends. However, my birthday is on December 19th and I expect all you bitches to break the bank. Merry Christmas!

Reader's Questions

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.