January 7th is a National Holiday

Lee is the one in the white dress.

          Today is our anniversary! We were married 21 years ago today. As you can see, we have changed a bit over the years but one thing has remained; our undying love for one another. Never has the world witnessed a love like ours that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. For those of you who resolved to be more romantic this year, good luck.

          Paul say: My God, I do not want to write right now. I so much want to sit and kiss on my wife or, maybe, play some Wii and laugh at my incredible lack of balance. I want to celebrate my 21 years of marriage with power lounging and some sweet nothings whispered in Lee’s ear. I have absolutely no interest in pushing down on a computer keyboard button unless it is to shoot a ball at some other balls in hopes that the like colored ball will all blow up. But I am a writer, so I write even if the urge eludes me. 

          I find it funny because my mindset going into the New Year was that I would attack it with literary vengeance. I would become Steven King prolific and Tolstoy complex.  This was my unhealthy version of a resolution. It is one of the facts of nature that we all see a new year as a new beginning, even if it defies all logic. It is at this January first date that hope is born. Look at the archetypal symbol of New Year: a baby.

          I have already written that the New Year resolution is bullshit but I would be doing a disservice if I just stopped there and let little baby New Year die of aspiration anorexia. If you go on-line and look up New Year resolutions, or just wait a few minutes for the ad to come up on the right side of your Facebook page, you will see a slew of people telling you how to accomplish your resolution. The key to success is always the same: make your resolution into something that is not a resolution.  A resolution, by definition, is a firmness of mind, a decision to do something. Well, if I had that kind of self-discipline then I would not need to make resolutions, now would I?  Since I have the self-discipline of a crack whore but still want make changes in my life, I need to do something different.

           So I rename my resolution to intention and I add layers to it. I alter it from a decision to change into a new way of being. In a recent Psychology Today article, they discuss the process of change. They talk about creating goals, which is very important in my opinion, and then continue to say that you need to create a support system that supports the goals. Now that is the key! That is the difference between the resolution and the intention. We are all great at making goals. How else will we know how badly we failed if we did not have goals? But if we create goals and tell people then we can never fail because they, the supportive people of our lives, see us as a work in progress and we all continue to grow better for it.

          As I look back at my marriage, I am struck with a paradoxical revelation. I am the same man that I was 21 years ago, only completely different. It is not because I made some grand declaration over the year to change but because my wife saw me as the best man that I could be, and eventually I saw that in me also, that I have slowly evolved into something new. Paul 21.0 is rolled-out today.

          Lee says: I would love to be doing the same thing as Paul. Unfortunately, until they declare January 7th a National Holiday, we are forced to do what everyone else does, ignore the special day. Next year, our aniversary will fall on a Friday and I intend to make that a holiday for us. Please notice I am not resolving or setting a goal. I am creating a mindset that it is so. Which means, I have changed how I see this auspicious day and my little neurons hook up with calendar neurons and voila, a holiday is born. Anybody remember Martin Luther King’s Birthday before it was a holiday? It was a day like any other. Now, we expect that day off and can not imagine life without it. That day was an intention created by supporters of Dr. King just like my mind is already seeing a cruise ship and a Bahama Mama drink in our hands. And so it is.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.