I’m Not Ready…For You

          It’s the New Year and we were wondering are you doing anything differently this year? You know CoupleDumb does not do resolutions. You also know that we do create intentions and let the universe do all the work. That’s how we roll! What we see though is that Christmas and New Years, works like some weird relationship last call; millions get hooked up, engaged and broken up. What’s up with that? Is it a way to save on gifts? We hardly ever balk at people getting into relationships but have you heard all the stupid reasons that people break up?

          Lee says: Sometimes I wonder if people really want to be happy. I mean look at all the stupid things they do to ensure their misery! Let’s face it, we write Dysaffirmations because people like them, not only because they are sick and funny but also because they ring true! That’s the scariest thing of all. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. We can choose happiness and we can choose to be loved and to love and we can choose to avoid the negative thoughts barring severe psychological impairment. But the truth is we don’t.

          One of my favorite stupid reasons to break up is ‘I’m not ready to commit’. Ha! That’s funny right there. You can’t make up shit like that! Really! What? You think it’s true? You think that when someone says they aren’t ready for a commitment they are being honest? O.K., how about we change that to, ‘do you think they think they are being honest?’ I think we can agree then on that little bit of semantics.

          The reality is that when someone says things like ‘I am not ready’ it really means ‘I don’t want to with you’. It is sad but true. Many individuals feel that understanding how relationships work is a badge of honor and sharing something vulnerable as one’s own inability to commit is truly a sign of integrity. I call BULLSHIT! We sometimes mistake rhetoric for deepness. We also sometimes muddle our feelings to such a point that we make ourselves sound so caring when in reality we aren’t.

          Most people walk around with armor plating around their hearts. Perhaps we were jilted by our first loves. Perhaps we were stood up one too many times. Perhaps we were never looked at by our crush. Perhaps we have taken so many rides on the carousel of love that the only way to keep our heart from pouring out the pain is to contain it in a bio-hazard container of steel. All of these reasons separate us from loving and being loved completely. I can easily meet someone and feel affection for them but to allow myself to love them is completely different.

          Ouch, what did I just say there? I allow myself to love. Love is not a virus that sneaks up on you and infects you. Love does not work like a sniper or even ambush you when you are walking home late at night. Love does not even stand behind you at an ATM and steal your money. You choose to love. You choose to reveal your heart to someone and embrace theirs. There is no thermometer telling you you are ready. You just choose it to be so.

          So when you are about to break someone’s heart, leave this little nugget at home. Especially since you will probably end up engaged to the next person you hook up with. Be honest. Say the words, ‘I just don’t love you’ and let them move on. You will still be an asshole whether you are ready or not.    

          Paul says: I distinctly remember being attacked by the love ninjas, all dressed in pink with feather swords. What was I taking that day?

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