Gifts For Kids You Do Not Like

THE Relationship Blog

So this post can be listed either under the category of Public Service Announcement or under the category of Let’s Not Kill The Kids. Check out the site from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission that lists the hazardous toy recalls. It is very illuminating and a bit scary. If you do not have time to go over every one of them, here is my list of 5 WTF toys that I would probably buy for a child but they were recalled because they were just too much fun.

1. Buckyballs® High Powered Magnets Set

The Buckyball, named after Buckminster Fuller, is both a cool piece of science and a fun toy. This set has high powered magnets to hold it together. As a matter of fact, the magnets are so high powered that they were not suitable for children under the age of 14. Apparently they can perforate an intestine if swallowed. But they need to be swallowed. How else can you get the electromagnetic field to mutate your DNA?

2. Jide Toy Military Figurine

How do you protect the modern toy army? With lead, baby! How else can we make our children stupid enough to join the army in their adulthood? (Though we at CoupleDumb are pacifists, we are thankful for the brave men and women that serve for our country. But we cannot pass up a good joke no matter how much hate mail it may bring.)

3. Liquidation Outlet Toy Figurines

Yes, more lead. But these ones are only sold at the Dollar Stores. There has to be a conspiracy happening here. This is just the man keeping us Dollar Store patrons down.

4. JAKKS Pacific® Recalls Spa Factory™ Aromatherapy Kits Due to Explosion and Projectile Hazards

Nothing says relaxation like a good explosion. We see no reason to recall this product. Just put a label on it that says ‘Warning: May blow Momma’s ass out of the bathtub’. We have a best seller here.

5. Dive Sticks Due to Impalement Hazard

The stick can remain upright and impale a child. They were recalled and later reissued as the Vlad The Impaler Fun Toy.

Ah, the holidays…so many toys and so many hours in the ER. Our kids are very blessed this year and will be receiving the complete Dysaffirmation wardrobe and coffee mug. We will also probably get them the new Dysaffirmation E-book (currently free!).

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