Evil Orange Children with Pretty Hair

She's a demon but here hair is fabulous.

          Our kids are driving us nuts. No, scratch that, our children, separately and together, at times, test our patience and make us reconsider this whole idea of feeling fulfilled because we were blessed with children. At times, we admit, that these three little blessings are more like curses. But, most of the time, we can step back and appreciate their rambunctiousness, stubbornness, rowdiness, messiness, silliness and general loudness. Our kids are funny, annoying and, mostly, wonderful creatures. However, in the world of Reality TV, all of those children are Satan Spawns and should be stuffed in burlap sacks and drowned with kittens.

          Lee says: Paul likes writing Tuesday posts since he spends much of his time trying to explain children in scientific terms. For me, a professional psychotherapist with years of training and experience, it is quite easy; they are animals. If you have any doubt about this, watch ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’.

          First of all, let’s ignore the obvious shit of how parents (and grandparents) sexualize and parade a small girl to the benefit of every perv in the country. Let us forget that these girls are asked to ‘work it’ and blow kisses to unknown judges to gain their favor. Let us forget that these girls are forced to see themselves as objects to be ogled at and that at no time during these competitions are they asked one question. Let us forget that these competitions/pageants, unlike Miss America, are not scholarship programs which encourage and require the girls to attend school and get an education. These ‘pageants’ are just that, beauty contests with elaborate costumes not unlike a dog show.

          Now, since this is about the kids and the parents of these ‘beauty queens’ are so reprehensible as human beings that they make me bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t start rattling off obscenities like a woman with Tourette who just stubbed her toe. These kids are evil. Simple. They are horrible. They are vile. They are what is wrong with society and why we are doomed as a race to end up riding a horse on a beach chased by apes only to find a chunk of the Statue of Liberty sticking up in the surf. These girls are being groomed and taught to be call girls. Wait, that is too harsh, perhaps some of them will aspire to be Hooter girls who moonlight as strippers. These girls believe they are the shit because that is what they have been taught.

          These girls will have little to no value for an education because they are meat. One episode showed Machenzie getting a three layered spray tan because we all look better with tans, according to the Mom. Meanwhile, these backwoods savants who live in mobile homes and have maybe a couple of minutes of sun a day, are getting this information from where exactly? Where and when did it become cool to look like an Oompa Loompa? When did orange become the awesome skin color? I always thought that sallow colors always indicated diseases like jaundice or gangrene.

          So with orange skin, fake teeth, make-up and hair pieces, these girls are lined up and moved along sashaying their hips as if they are seducing the audience. They are the bread winners. They are the ones who need to bring home the trophies, sashes and crowns and all hopes ride on their ability to perambulate with a seductive rotation of their pelvis and wink to the music. They are home grown divas with a side of self entitled little shit. But, you know what, I don’t blame them. If they are utter hellions and give their parents premature grey hair and never allow them one peaceful nights sleep, that is fine by me. These kids weren’t born with fake tans. These kids weren’t born wearing hair pieces. You reap what you sow and you have sown the seeds of narcissistic and histrionic girls and you deserve every last bit of their homegrown personality disorders.     

          Paul says: I winced through the whole show. There was no doubt in my mind that what I was watching was the preview screen that came right before you bought the membership to the kiddy porn site. I do have one question; what do the parents see when they look at their child? Do they see their little baby all dressed cute? They can’t see the horrific orange monster that we see?


  • Those shows make me crazy. I watched one several months ago, for the first time and was dumbfounded. I had no idea what the children had to go through and how awful the pageants are.
    Why in the hell does a small child need to compete in a swimsuit?! It’s like pervertville out there and these kids are sitting ducks. Orange ducks.

  • That’s disgusting. It should be illegal to do that to your kid. Those poor kids are being neglected as far as I see it. They’re being taught poor standards of what’s right and wrong and poor judgement and they are probably only getting loved when they perform well. How is that not neglect?

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