Don’t Touch The Cookie Jar
Every day we look at the news, something new has happened. This summer we were treated to the implosion of a family empire. The Duggar Family was touted as a devout brood who was more than happy to break some sort of breeding record. With “19 Kids and Counting”, the Duggars were the model family for the Quiverfull movement that promotes that children are a blessing from God and that any form of birth control or family planning is abhorrent. As if that weren’t enough, these folks also feel that any sex that does not potentially result in pregnancy is bad. They also promote a return to Biblical Patriarchy which includes little nuggets like ‘the Father has authority over wife and children’ and ‘the women of the family shall not seek higher education, vote and the adult women who do not marry are still under the authority of the Father’.
That was a very basic rendering of the ideas behind the Quiverfull way of life. For those who like it and it works for them, have at it. For those who don’t, that can be a real problem.
In the last few months it has been a veritable shitstorm for the Duggars with the circulation of activity firmly around their eldest son, Josh. Sure, it would be so easy to kick him while he is down but we won’t. Sure, it would be a cheap shot to call him a hypocrite who peddled hate through the Family Research Council, calling homosexuals perverts and child molesters. Of course we could also be lazy and point out that this pious asshole had not one but two Ashley Madison accounts where he was paying to guarantee himself an affair. But we won’t. It is beneath us.
What we will focus on is what happens when you raise children in an atmosphere were sex is a crime and even a hug when dating is seen as a dance with the Devil. When you tell kids not to touch the cookie jar without explaining why, the cookie jar becomes this golden idol and they become Indiana Jones scratching his stubble wondering how to remove it without setting off the big rolling ball. Too dramatic? No! That is exactly what happens. A child is by their very nature, inquisitive. When we do not answer their questions of ‘why’, they make things up. When we as parents, stop educating our children, they fill in the blanks with their own interpretations and meanings.
So, Josh Duggar is admitting to not only having affairs, he also has a porn addiction. Not to mention that he molested 4 girls when he was a teenager. Why do you think that is? He has the sexual understanding of a little boy being told not to touch the cookie jar. Instead of getting help for molesting those girls, he was sent to a Biblical camp where he worked in construction and probably never mentioned it again. This was a teen boy who was taught that masturbation was evil and against God and all those feelings and urges needed to be channeled into some day being a Dad.
CoupleDumb will not kick people when they are down. What we will say is this- teach your kids about sex. Tell your children that it is normal to feel that way. Instead of making sex a scary and bad thing, talk about how natural and beautiful it can be. Teach them that they have control of their body and can say “no” to anyone that may want to touch them (how did people expect the girls to say no to Josh if they were taught that they were seducing men with their very presence). Teach your children to be safe with sex by offering them condoms. Don’t make sex a cookie jar. Kids will fill in the blanks if you don’t and their imagination is so much better than ours.