Don’t Need a Reason for the Season

Identical Twins

          CoupleDumb is so proud to have a guest blogger today. All the way from Karachi, Pakistan, we have Anne Dias from .

And she is not wearing a sheet.
Anne is an amazing writer, wife of almost 6 years and mother of twin 5 year olds. We asked Anne to write about her Christmas experience because she shares our craziness about the season and yet here is a woman from Pakistan where the Muslim faith is the predominant religion. Kind of makes you wonder about all of your judgments and thoughts regarding the Middle East. Maybe there is a couple just like us writing a relationship blog wondering if they’ll ever get any sleep and uninterrupted sex.

          Anne says: Ever since I was a child, my favorite time of the year has been Christmas. And my favorite thing about Christmas? Hands down… Santa Claus! He’s fat, he’s jolly, he brings gifts, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, and his reindeer can frickin FLY!

          So, I couldn’t wait to introduce this great legend I enjoyed in my childhood, to my own kids. I’ve been going crazy every December for the last five years, and this year is no different. There will be decoration, there will be a tree, and you can bet your ass there will be a ton of gifts under it. I’m just that kind of mom. Unfortunately, my kids are born in a time when crazy, overtly religious (see: we have no life hence our fanaticism) people ask them stupid questions like What is the REAL reason for the season? Did you know it is Jesus? Here, let me bang my Bible on your head so you suffer a concussion, and hopefully forget all about your imaginary friend Santa, who by the way is SATAN!

          Step away from my children!

          What, may I ask is wrong about giving kids some fun? Like an imaginary old man, in a red suit, who sneaks into their homes on Christmas Eve, and leaves fabulous presents for them under their tree, then eats the cookies and drinks the milk they leave out for him? What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that just like the most perfect thing for a child to be in awe of?

          Because, they’re children?

          And, hell fire and brimstone can wait a while.


          I don’t care if Jesus is the reason for your season, honestly! It’s not my business what you do with your kids and your life. But, leave my kids out of it, and stop talking to them about Jesus at Christmas time, because you think it’s the only thing they should know and believe in. You don’t need to save their souls, you need to have some fun. Besides, Jesus saves, but Santa gets you the bike you always wanted. So there!

          Oh, and fuck off!

          It always comes down to this with some Christians doesn’t it? The evils of this world will brainwash our children, and OMG they will forget all about God, and become immoral human beings. We must stop them, we must kill fun, we must be pains in their asses. Raise your Bibles and CHARGE!

          Stop being an asshat!

          I was raised in a pretty religious family. We went to church every week, attended midnight mass on Christmas Eve, and celebrated every religious holiday on the Christian calendar. But, we never did away with fun traditions, and everything which “had no religious meaning.” Probably because we didn’t have limited thinking, or were not allowed to.

          And, I’ll be damned if my children don’t get to experience every fun aspect of a holiday, be it religious or otherwise. We celebrate the Muslim Eid for heaven’s sake. How traitorous are we right? And, you should see my kids going all nuts with sparklers during Diwali. It would give most fundi Christians (like my MIL) palpitations. It’s all a bunch of crap, spewing from the religious not so right. Do this, believe that, Satan wants your soul, and that’s why he created Santa.

          So, if you think you’re capable of keeping religion in your life (or out of it if that’s what you do), while enjoying all the fun things in life, and if you love Christmas and Santa Claus… Turn up the volume of your stereo (to block out the sounds of Bible thumping), eat some Christmas cookies, drink some nog, and have a blast!

          Happy Holidays!


  • Debi

    Cheers to Santa!

    I swear that we saw him today during our shopping lunchbreak. No, not that guy who dresses up at the mall but the real deal. He noticed my boys. Truly, it’s hard not to when they’re waving frantically and playing peek-a-boo with panels of etched glass. As he was leaving the restaurant, he asked me if they’d been good today. I replied that they had and he gave me two candy canes for them and said, “Merry Christmas”. I asked them after he left if they thought he might be Santa. They were quiet for a while and asked about the absence of a red suit. I pointed out that he had a gray beard and carries candy canes around with him… Could he possibly be Santa in disguise checking up one last time to see if they’ve been naughty or nice? Well, what do you know, they were the best afternoon shoppers EVER today. Hell yeah, I love Santa!

  • Caba

    Fabulous Anne! Surprise surprise, I agree with everything you have said! For an atheist, I am SUPER crazy about Christmas … I just leave out all the religious parts and enjoying watching my kids become consumed in the magic of Christmas!

  • LOVE IT! Also? Asshat is like my totally favorite word. After douchebag.

  • Marybeth

    This is the year my kids are going to figure out Santa’s a fraud. I just know it! So three cheers to Santa! I hope my kids stay gullible enough to believe in him for ONE MORE YEAR!

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