Don’t Get Love Advice From Cosmo
THE Relationship Blog
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Ladies! Yes, I am talking to you. I beseech you that you take time to teach your daughter’s to be healthy. We are so focused on making sure that our kids eat from all the food groups and take their vitamins and monitor their TV time and computer sites and make sure that we wash our clothes with fragrance free soap that is both biodegradable and tasty to fish and dress them in organic fabrics and feed them organic fruit that is twice washed in triple filtered water that we completely neglect the real necessary instructions of life. That’s right, we survived childhood not wearing seatbelts and eating fat for every meal and believing that watching PBS 12 hours a day would make us sophisticated. However, how would have our lives looked if Mom would have taught us not only the birds and the bees but how to be in relationship? One thing is for sure, the least our Mothers could have told us is that magazines such as Cosmo are NEVER to be referred to when seeking real relationship advice.
Why do we pick these rags up while we are at the salon? Is boredom that bad? They catch us with their catchy article titles and trap us with advice that elicits the most paranoid thoughts in all of us. This month they are running the best 13 pieces of advice ever. Even the first line sends me into a tizzy! ‘Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it’s maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky.’ If this weren’t Tuesday we would use more definitive language to say that this gem of nonsense is backwards at best and detrimental at worst. We rather like the flippant way they say that the beginning of a relationship is easy. Are you kidding? The beginning is so strained with the anxiety of ‘Am I enough’ or ‘Am I worthy’ or ‘Will they like me if they knew me’ running amok in our tiny heads. The connection becomes deeper as time goes by. Even if you don’t like each other, you are still connected. This is the kind of statement that reeks of ignorance! To be fair, some of the advice (given by professionals) that followed was not terrible except for the first one telling you to be and act differently. You know, switch it up! Stupid.
We have nothing against Cosmo. It is just that we should be telling our children to learn about healthy relationships from healthy, successful people. We don’t know who is giving the advice. In many cases, physicians in this field find it rather hard to heal themselves. In the old days, therapists needed to go to therapy to be therapists but that isn’t the case anymore. In most cases, you will end up working with someone who expects you to delve into your issues with ease but they have never done that themselves.
History has shown that our children are little mirrors. If you want to see if you are healthy, take a look at your adult child. Barring any serious mental illness, if your child is unhappy, you did not equip them and probably never modeled happiness as a virtue or something easily attainable. We are not blaming the parent for their child’s messed up adult life but responsibility needs to fall some on Mom and Dad. Our job is to give them tools to deal with life. If you don’t have them, learn them and/or whittle them out of your own discerning practice to be happy and healthy. And for God’s sake, don’t give them a Cosmo.