Does And Don’ts of Sex

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                So we have been talking about sex all week and we are ready to relax this weekend. Perhaps we will engage in some intercourse. Perhaps we will just be intimate and cuddle. Or, perhaps, we will slip into the gentle coma of nothing to do for a couple of days. Whatever we do, we will definitely have sex on the mind. When was the last time we did it? Wasn’t the last time great? It’s been how long? When are we doing this again? It has been neat sharing these ideas with you. As a parting gift, we are providing you with a concise list of Do’s and Don’ts about sex.

                Do speak openly about the subject of sex: We have become a backwards, prudish country of hypocrites where sex is concerned. The loudest people screaming about returning to a more simpler time where women were easily abused, treated as meat and sex was the domain of men, are the same sick fucks getting caught with their pants down around there ankles with a bamboo spoon, pack of Chiclets and a goat.

                Do discuss sex in a developmentally appropriate manner with your children: You need to teach your kids right from wrong, love, the right fork, manners, boundaries and sex. Developmentally appropriate sex talk means you will tell your 8 year old that a baby was made from Mommy and Daddy’s love and a 12 year old will get a little more detail as to what that entailed (stick to body parts and mechanics). Special Note: Moms, discuss oral sex with your daughters before they end up at a party blowing a gang of boys saying ‘it’s no big deal’.

                Don’t get too uptight about sex: Sex is natural, it’s fun and it doesn’t take prowess. What it takes is a willingness to learn and explore. Sure you can have your tricks but ultimately it is the connection. If there is no connection then Valentino himself wouldn’t be able to get her to come.

                Don’t assume anything in bed: Ask questions. Don’t be upset because your partner can’t read your mind or ‘play your body like a Chopin concerto’. Tell them what you like and want and ask them to return the favor.

                Do experiment: Yeah, you read that right. We aren’t talking about threesomes but we do think it is important to let go of hang-ups. Sometimes, previous partners kind of spoil it for the next ones. Just because the last one didn’t like this doesn’t mean everyone hates that. Or perhaps you have certain beliefs that good people don’t do certain things (like anal or oral). Get over it. Have fun. Explore.

                Do keep your integrity/Don’t have sex with a stranger: Aside from the obvious reasons like diseases, psychoses or sociopathic tendencies that we wish to avoid, the secular reason for this would be that you honor yourself. Sex is better with a partner you know. Sure, it can be exciting to try something different but then you open yourself up to all the consequences. The least of which are the three obvious reasons and most is your own brand of crazy will emerge.

                See, just a cute, little list. Print it out, laminate it and keep it in your pocket. Whip it out when in doubt. Please be safe out there and do not engage in risky behaviors. Love and let yourself be loved. Have fun and try things out with your partner. At the end of the day, to create a long-lasting, loving relationship we must be willing to be vulnerable emotionally and physically. That takes time and love is what gives you patience. Or, if faceless, soul-destroying one-night stands followed by stalking is your thing, carry on.

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