Do I Know You?
It’s Monday and if you are anything like CoupleDumb today, you needed an extra weekend added to last weekend. We have been so busy lately that our daily coffee intake has suffered. As writers, you realize that caffeine is like a muse so if we seem uninspired, don’t blame us. We are proud to announce our Facebook username, making it easier to keep in touch with us. Our fans tend to get a little extra from us since we aren’t beneath putting out for attention. This is the point that we start discussing our topic for the week and we decided we would go old school; getting back to basics. We are a relationship blog and it has been a while since we broke it down for everyone. So this week, we will dissect the relationship and come up with some rules to live by for healthy coupling, parenting and general relating. Are you ready?
Lee says: A relationship is an association or involvement. To say that you are in a relationship is to admit that there is a connection between you and the subject. Why the Webster’s? It has become quite fashionable to deny relationships with people when there is an obvious connection. The defense mechanism of denial is an insidious one but also extremely immature. It is the equivalent of saying ‘na-uh’.
In breaking down the association or connection between two people, we will first dispense with familial or genetic relationships like parents, siblings, cousins and extended family. Then we have associations such as friendships or work buddies which are also in relationship with you. When you do the math, you will find that you have hundreds of relationships and, for the sake of dysfunction, we are in a constant state of negating our connection to others.
So the first rule of becoming healthier in relationships is:
Acknowledge all your connections with people.
Wow, that sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But the issue arises with people that we deem indefinable. Like the guy your work with that you think is an asshole. Or the barrista who makes your coffee and you have a nice chat every morning. How about your bus driver or the person you see everyday on the train? I’m not saying to profess your love but acknowledge that you have a connection with these people. You need to admit that somehow you created a connection with another human being. How would this simple thing affect people?
I believe much of our loneliness is created by this inability to recognize the existence of a connection, no matter how insignificant, to another human being. When we admit to an association with someone, we also begin to see our connection to the world around us. We are never alone and this realization is both frightening and comforting. But most of all, it teaches us that we are created to relate. We flourish in relationship because we were built for that.
A million years ago, I was in a training where the first thing the trainer asked was whether anyone in the room was in relationship with anyone else present. Those in relationship stood as asked. One of the people in the group was the daughter of my brother’s god-parents. I had grown up with her. She sat there calmly looking forward. When I was asked who I had relation to, I acknowledged my husband, of course, a couple of friends and that girl. The trainer looked at her and asked why she was sitting. Her response, ‘Well, what we have is no big deal.’ I considered her family which she did not deny. That same individual has had a lifetime of tumultuous, serial affairs which have always ended badly and is enmeshed with her family.
Point of the story, that chick could not acknowledge her connections thus could only seek satisfaction in sexual relationships. Does she sound familiar to anyone out there? Don’t deny it, my friend.
Paul says: I deny any relationship to the author of the first part of this post. We only have occasional sex, raise children, work together, and drink a lot of coffee together. But no relationship.