Courageous For Love

THE Relationship Blog

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When we talk about being courageous for love, not being a pussy and being ballsy, we are talking about something that is imprinted into our children from day one. At some point in our child’s life, they do the whole ‘I’m shy’ thing and hide behind our legs, peeking around our derriere in hopes that someone notices how shy they are. It is at this point that we set the tone for little Herman or Gertrude. We either agree with them, making the excuse and validating their fear as a big mommy butt that they can hide behind for the rest of their life or we pull them to the front and teach them to overcome this fear of connection.

Being courageous for love is a story that is as classic as good versus evil. As a matter of fact, it is the story of good versus evil. Love is good. Love is the goal of all of the stories. What makes Wesley of the Princess Bride better than Humperdinck? Love. Wesley was the Dread Pirate Roberts, for Christ’s sake! You know that he did all kinds of nasty pirate stuff. He made people walk the plank and he pillaged and drank poisoned wine with the Australians. He was a badass. But he had love so he was the good guy.

One of the upsides of having a child with Asperger’s is that we have needed to really identify the emotions and educate our daughter on the appropriate and best response to each emotion. The negative emotions are easy. Talk about your fear. Don’t punch people when you are angry. It is the positive emotions, the love based feelings, that get a little sticky. Of course, one reason is that most adults wouldn’t know love if it bit them in the ass. They confuse love with lust and don’t want to pass down their wisdoms associated with lust and the funny feeling in their pants.

For the purposes of childhood lessons, husband-wife love and mommy-child love are the same thing. They are both the forms of love that come from knowing that you are going to be together for a very long time. With our daughter, we needed to tell her to say the words ‘I love you’. We let her try them out on us before she turned them out onto the world.

We like to make it seem that being a wimp is a function of physical strength but everyone knows that it is characteristic of the mind. It is self-confidence, self-esteem and the core knowledge that love is yours to own. A child who claims love as his or her own, one who knows it right down to the root of their soul, will be able to take on the world. Teach your children to love. Teach them to be courageous with love. They can’t be shy, they can’t be wimpy, with love.

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