CoupleDumb covers the Golden Globes
Welcome to CoupleDumb’s coverage of the Golden Globes. Already they are looking better than the People’s Choice because we have heard of some of the people on the red carpet. Really, a dog shitting on the red carpet would have been better then the People’s Choice.
So, here we go with the Golden Globes.
7:02 Bill and Sookie. What a way to start.
7:06 Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are married and they seem to like it. Obviously, we like anyone that talks nice about being married. We nominate them for a Golden Globe for good marriageatude.
7:09 Glamcam 360 – Lee wants a Glamcam 360 in her bedroom.
7:12 Penelope Cruz just stopped talking smack in Spanish about her costars but we are not going to tell you what she said.
7:13 Morgan Freeman with a white lady. Is that the lady that was in the car with him when he had the accident that caused his divorce or is this a different white lady?
7:15 Its raining at the Golden Globes. It is our understanding that the Hollywood community made a pact with the Devil and now God is smoting them with rain to ruin all of the up-dos and crushed velvet tuxedos.
7:19 Mariah Carey is looking like a big black woman. Why does she tether her legs together? She has enough problems walking a straight line (or passing a breathalyzer).
7:22 Robert Downey is a god. He is a brilliant actor and talks sweet about relationship. We love him. Stay clean, Robert! Work your program.
7:24 Where does Jai get his purple rinse?
7:30 Jennifer Gardner has a dirty mind. She has just become one of our peoples.
7:31 Jon Hamm with a beard. Lee says: Hot! Actually she said ‘hhhhhhaught’ but you get the idea.
7:33 Kate Hudson is wearing the stupid shoes in the world.
7:34 When asked what Taylor Lautner looked for in a date, he said ‘oh boy’. Is he coming out? You heard it here first.
7:36 How can Cougar Town be a ‘family show’? Just the premise makes me need to cover my kids ears.
7:36 Kate Hudson looks like she is wearing cotton balls.
7:44 Marky Mark is a baby making machine.
7:57 Rita Wilson – WTF, she wore grandma’s curtains.
8:00 And now we begin. Ricky Gervais is hosting so we think this will be good. Hopefully he will be totally irreverant.
8:05 Yep, he made us laugh right away by slamming everybody. Love the guy.
8:06 Best Supporting Actress in Motion Picture – Mo’nique. We didn’t call her but we love her. Lee calls her ‘her chocolate sister’. And she is crying. Beautiful.
8:10 Best Actress in a TV Series – Toni Collette. It’s on fucking Showtime. We don’t watch fucking Showtime. So, fuck you, fucking Showtime. (Congrats to Toni.)
You see, every time that we like a show on (fucking) Showtime, they cancel it. Now, to save you all from our curse, we don’t watch (fucking) Showtime. If they bring back Dead Like Me and Huff then we can talk.
8:15 Next commercial we are breaking out the alcohol.
8:17 Best Supporting Actor in TV – John Lithgow. We used to have his album of children songs. He is a better actor.
8:21 Best Animation – UP. We called it! We love being right. Also, who would say no to a little old man that lost his wife?
8:24 And now the boozy blogging! Banfi Rosa Rigale! Yum
8:28 Phillip Burke, President of the Foreign Press Association, is wearing Clarol number 15. Kind of a light ash.
8:33 Best Actor in TV Drama – Michael C. Hall. Another Showtime show. You know the rant. Plus we can’t say anything bad about the guy with cancer because God smites. Just ask Pat Robertson. (Lee says the Paul is being bad and is directing the lightening bolt his way.)
8:36 Best Actress in TV Drama – Julianna Margulies. We love her show. She rocks. Lee’s happy because she wanted her to win. Paul wanted Kyra.
8:44 Best Original Song in Motion Picture – The Weary Kind. Ok, whatever. (Maybe they should have someone with flashlights to bring everybody in.)
8:47 Best Original Score in Motion Picture – Michael Giacchino for UP. That works for us.
8:54 Best Minseries – We don’t even bother. We have TV ADD. If it is not on at the same time every week. fuck’um. Alcohol has kicked in. (Grey Gardens won.) And then they talk too much. Get the fuck off the stage.
9:00 Best Actress in Motion Picture Comedy – Meryl Streep for one of the movies. (Julie and Julia) Yes, she was nominated for two in the same catagory.
9:11 Best Actor in a Miniseries – TV ADD. Oh wait, Kevin Bacon won. Everyone is related to him. I think that my cousin’s mother’s hairdresser’s son’s friend knowns him. He should call him and get his hair brushed.
9:13 Best Actress in a Miniseries – Drew Barrymore. She’s all happy. And we still don’t care.
9:23 Best Screenplay Motion Picture – Jason Reitman. We have nothing funny to say because Lee is still in an extended swoon over Gerard Butler. We’ll be back after she has a cigarette.
9:26 Best Actor in Comedy Series Alec Baldwin. Glee dude lost. May Alec become more and more fatter and creepier looking. You have been cursed, Alec.
9:34 Sophia Loren. There is a classy bitch right there!
9:35 Best Foreign Language Film – The White Ribbon. Lee is cursing them in Spanish. (Lee does that all the time.)
9:38 Best TV Series Drama – Mad Men. We got nothing. Paul never heard of the show until it started winning awards and Lee only used it as wacking off material ‘cuz she like the Hamm guy.
9:46 Best Supporting Actress in TV Series Comedy – Chloi Sevigny. Bull-Shit! Jane is sooooo much funnier.
9:49 Best Supporting Actor in Motion Picture – Christoph Waltz. Quenton looks like he has botox his head. Smooth like a baby’s butt.
10:15 Director Motion Picture – James Cameron. OK, Avatar has finally won something. We think that he was going to cry if he didn’t win.
10:20 Best TV Series Comedy – It better be Glee. It better be Glee. It better be Glee. It’s … Glee!
10:28 Best Motion Picture Comedy – The Hangover. Wow. Yes it was funny. (Paul still likes Harold and Kumar better.) Mike Tyson just won a Golden Globe. Satan come thru again. Watch out for the earthquakes.
10:36 Best Actress in Motion Picture Drama – Sandra Bullock. Excellent. She gives good speech. We really like her. Even more now. We want to throw back a few and talk shit with her.
10:40 Best Actor in Motion Picture Comedy – Robert Downey Jr. This is the best speech that we have ever heard. God, we love this guy. We so want to do a line of coke off of a hooker’s ass with him.
10:46 Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama – Jeff Bridges. Spiderman (former) didn’t look happy.
10:55 Best Motion Picture Drama – Not Avatar. Not Avatar. Not Avatar. And the winner is… Avatar. Shit.
And we are so very done. Thanks for hanging with us during the Golden Globes. We are taking MLK day off so we will see you on Tuesday. Love.