Chris has sex

So have you been reading faithfully this week? Wednesdays are usually when  we take a celebrity and put the smackdown on them but this week we have dedicated ourselves to the web series ‘Chris and Kate’ directed by Chris Purnell. And today’s episode is a really good one.

Lee says: One of the wonderful things that the media has done for people of the world is expand our minds to possible sexual scenarios. They have taken our fucked up, outrageous fantasies and presented them with enhanced breasts, cheesy story-lines, props and money shots. Some of these fantasies should have stayed locked up. In today’s installment, Chris shares his sexual experience with Kate.

          Chris is just making me look like a genius. He describes a sexual encounter with Kate like he just scored. Now, most of us in relationship of any kind, especially after 4 years, do not consider having intimate relationships with your live-in lover as scoring. Some of us would call it Wednesday night. But there he is, wearing sun glasses like he just made it with Angelina Jolie!

          My assessment of him as being co-dependent is just gathering more evidence as of this episode. He talks of his handcuffing and subsequent abandonment like it was no big deal. He was just abused by his girlfriend (I realize there are those of you that believe that being handcuffed to the point of dehydration would be the ultimate fantasy but you are a very small percentage on that bell curve). He tells his story as if people would find it sexy or even amusing. Yes I laughed because I know this is fiction but Chris Purnell has really jumped head first into the head of a co-dependent. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome with his and her towels (BTW- major kudos to Chris Conde for his work).

          Then the coup de grace is his final words of ‘I love her’. Why, because she didn’t let you die? We have spoken on this blog about how people confuse sex with love. In this case, Chris is upset about being handcuffed but forgives all because she finally releases him then follows it up with sex. He takes the blame for the incident and is compensated with an orgasm (even while passing out). Chris could not be more pathetic if he tried. Oh wait, sure he could. She could have performed anal on him.

          Paul says: As Lee and I are writing, our boys, ages 2 and 5, are playing ball. The 5 year old throws the ball and the 2 year old catches it with his face. They both laugh and the 5 year old pitches again. They’re going to keep this up until the 2 year old bleeds and both are crying.

          I tell you this because Chris is my 2 year old. Chris, she is beaning you in the face and you are laughing. Then, like my boys, you are going to keep up the game until you are both crying. After the tears, everyone will make up and go back to playing ‘smash Chris in the face’.

          The thing that I am really enjoying about this web series is that, even though Chris is fictions, he is so very real. I know him but by other names. Let me give you an example. We had a friend (past tense because his wife hit on me) and his wife was fucking around. The Chris-like part of the story is that he knew she was rampantly unfaithful but, when confronted, was angry with the guys his that she slept with.

          ‘Dude, she’s sleeping with other dudes.’

          ‘I know. How could the guys do that to me?’ he would ask.

          ‘The other guys?! You’re not married to the other guys. You are married to her.’

          Then he would look sad and say, ‘I know but that’s just the way she is.’

          So Lee calls it co-dependence and makes a comparison to Stockholm Syndrome. I guess the next move for all of our Chris friends out there is to get an unmarked white van and round up these lost motherfuckers because, to be honest, if I need to have another of these kind of ‘how screwed up are you’ conversations, I’m going to start putting people out of their misery.  


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