Celebrity Smackdown : Sommers and Her Moist Personality
Today is Wednesday and you know what that means, someone is going to get smacked down! However, this week we’re talking about aging and celebrities are making this way too easy on us. From the tugging and pulling and filling and removing of different parts of their bodies to make them tight and young and desirable and employable, most of our glitterati are smackable. Should we go after the actors who, in an attempt to thumb their noses at time, have become unrecognizable? You know, Rourke and Love and Ryan and the list goes on and on. Or are they too easy? We figure we’ll set our sights on something less obvious. So while we dent our tuna cans in an attempt to create our homemade botox, you can read about another celebrity who has eschewed the scalpel but still has done her fair share of defying gravity.
Lee says: I’m not a prude but I’m not one to seek out discomfort. The idea of having my fat sucked out of my ass sounds appealing until the pain and girdling and bruising and drains come in. I am not of the mindset that I would never do anything to disguise the fact that my age is catching up to me. I had some pretty intense gray by age 25 and at the age of 43, I can safely say that getting rid of the gray isn’t just playing with my hair color but defying what nature wants to show the world. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little Clairol to make a girl feel young again.
So what’s my beef with people like Suzanne Sommers? I mean, she looks pretty damn good for a woman approaching a century and there is something to be said for having thighs that can crush a skull just for the hell of it. However, call me paranoid but there is something a little Dorian Grey about this woman that really freaks me out. I mean, if we watched old ‘Three’s Company’ would she look like a hag? Is Chrissy Snow pushing a walker while Mr. Roper jumps to comical conclusions?
No, her secret consists of good living and lots of meds. She starts everyday by either rubbing estrogen or progesterone on the inside of her forearms. She also takes over 60 pills a day consisting of vitamins and different bioidentical hormones which mimic naturally occurring hormones. The purpose to all of this is to fake out the body to think that the chick is some hot 20 year old having regular periods and not a 63 year old bitch who’s ovaries have long closed up shop and are devoid of ova. But before you start bitching about how I’m hating (BTW, have you read the post on shadows?), what’s your opinion on her giving her vagina an injection of estriol everyday?
Yes, you read that right. I am not referring to using a shot glass or slapping the old hoohoo. She sticks a needle in her personality (I use this word with permission from my friend, Patricia. Her Mommy calls a girls bits their personalities~ I figure if a guy can be a dick…). She does this specifically to stop vaginal dryness. OK. Just stop and let that one sink in (no pun intended).
I will readily admit that at 43 I am not getting as wet as I did back in my 20s where a look was all it would take and maybe I haven’t reached the age yet where my hoohoo becomes so dry that it needs an injectable chap stick. But seriously people, how bad can a dry pussy be that you feel the need to introduce a needle? Are we talking desiccated? Isn’t lube enough to help with friction while asking Jesus for shoes or waxing the giraffe? Would you prefer I say fuck instead of euphemisms? Whatever it is, I just think ewwww.