Celebrity Smackdown: Sibling Celebs
It’s sibling rivalry week here on CoupleDumb and we wanted to take a second to thank one of our faithful readers, Mike, who suggested the topic (and Miriam who seconded the suggestion). But, today is Wednesday. You know what that means? We’re supposed to smack down a celebrity! With so many celebs out there doing one douchy thing or another, it is hard to zero in on one that deserves more of a smack than another. So instead of this, Lee will regale you with her theory on siblings in the celebrity world.
Lee says: There are lots of celebrity families. You can rattle off ten off the top of your head and still be surprised when I remind you of people like Matt and Kevin Dillon or the Wayan Brothers. The funny thing is, celebrity siblings take on a pseudo Cain and Abel vibe. One is the golden child while one is the evil one (or perhaps dumpy can be substituted for consorting with the Devil). I have thoroughly researched this (read a couple of minutes before starting to write this) and here is the evidence to support my hypothesis.
Meg and Jennifer Tilly: Jennifer is best known for her work as the Bride of Chucky and as a poker player while her younger sister is known from her work in Agnes of God and her writing. Obviously, Jennifer is evil and only a saintly girl like Meg could have pulled off the role of Agnes who was as pure as the driven snow. In addition, Chucky is evil and to marry him would be admitting that you like evil. What? This is my research people. You can fudge your data any way you want to.
Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez: I think this one is a gimme. Hell, God even made the saintly one blonde to tell the evil from the good! Plus, kudos to Emilio for keeping his Latin side and not turning into a white devil like his brother Charlie. When he chose to be a white guy, Charlie basically said ‘Hey Beelzebub, come over and we can snort coke off a hookers ass!’
Ben and Casey Affleck: This one is a little tougher but if you follow them around a little you would find that Ben is the evil one and Casey the not so evil one. Ben, like the Devil, married Jennifer Gardner who is a saint in hopes to throw me off the scent. Unfortunately my memory is good and a guy with a gambling problem and engaged to marry Jennifer Lopez must be evil. Besides, I don’t know shit about Casey except Joaquin Phoenix is his friend which could make him evil but there is no obvious relationship to J-Lo.
So let’s see how you fair on my ‘Who’s the evil sibling quiz?’
Hilary and Haylie Duff – This is a tough one but the nose gives it away. Haylie is obviously the evil one.
Alec, Daniel, Billy, and Stephen Baldwin– So many Baldwins’ to choose from. Could it be the brother who called his daughter a pig? Could it be the one who accepted Jesus and is friends with douche-bags like Michael Lohan? Could it be the fat one? The correct answer is that they are all evil. Maybe Billy is less evil than the other three.
John and Joan Cusack– I know you are saying, ’Wait a second Lee. I love these two. There is no way they can be evil!’ And you would be right. I’m just keeping you on your toes.
Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal– The obvious choice would be to say Maggie is evil. Maggie is edgie and had a baby out of wedlock and doesn’t wear a bra. But Jake doesn’t return my calls thus making him EVIL!
O.K., now the lightening round. If you answer this correctly, you will officially win a signed copy of our book Dysaffirmations: Because this kind of stupid takes work. Be careful, this one is tricky. Leave your answer here on the comments or on our Facebook fan page. We will tell you who won next week. The question is: Which is the evil sibling? Nick, Kevin, Joe Jonas? Make sure to tell us why you think he is the most evilest.